Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Mediocre
I feel very mediocre today. I took the assessment tests for the job I interviewed for. I don't think I did very well. I've taken those kind of tests before but. . .these were more difficult and different than what I was used to. So I don't know how well I did.
Oh well. I guess I'll just stick with being at the hotel and get a part-time job as a waitress or something. I'm going to have to if I stay at the hotel. oh well.
I guess I'll keep looking. I feel like I'm too qualified for the job I have now but not qualified enough for jobs that would pay me what I need.
Oh well. I guess I'll just stick with being at the hotel and get a part-time job as a waitress or something. I'm going to have to if I stay at the hotel. oh well.
I guess I'll keep looking. I feel like I'm too qualified for the job I have now but not qualified enough for jobs that would pay me what I need.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
A little tidbit of news
So I wonder what would be cheaper. Getting internet at my apartment or continuing to come to Panera. . .it's free but I always get something to eat or drink...hmmmm.....
The place I went to for an interview called me back to set up a time for me to take some tests. I have to test for Word, Excel, and typing. And some personality test or something. Yikes! That could be scary! HA!
I hope I can do well. This job would be a lot better than what I'm doing now. Working at the hotel isn't that bad really; I kinda like it, I just need to earn more money. And it would be nice to have a more normal schedule. I went in at 3 pm yesterday and was supposed to leave at 11 but didn't leave until after midnight. At least I got to take a dinner break. I've only been able to do that a couple of times. I never count on getting a lunch break or leaving when I'm supposed to. In fact I'm shocked when it happens.
I am (slowly) settling into life here. The other day I realized I was having the wrong attitude. I was telling myself that my life was on hold until I got more settled here. But I can't think like that. I mean, this is my life. It's happening. I can't have the attitude that I'll start living when I feel more at home. I had that attitude for so many years and I missed out on too much.
It's hard though.. ..I mean there are only so many times you can go shopping by yourself without buying something (and that's something I have to stay away from). And I don't have cable or internet so I've been watching Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls on DVD. Except I only have one season of each of those so I'm getting through them pretty quick. I have to figure out more ways to occupy my time. Oh well I'll get there eventually.
I'll write about the job when I find out something. If I don't get it I'll just keep looking. If I stay at the hotel I'd have to get a second job. If I get this other job I may see if I could stay at the hotel just PT and work a few evenings or something.Who knows.
Ok bye!
The place I went to for an interview called me back to set up a time for me to take some tests. I have to test for Word, Excel, and typing. And some personality test or something. Yikes! That could be scary! HA!
I hope I can do well. This job would be a lot better than what I'm doing now. Working at the hotel isn't that bad really; I kinda like it, I just need to earn more money. And it would be nice to have a more normal schedule. I went in at 3 pm yesterday and was supposed to leave at 11 but didn't leave until after midnight. At least I got to take a dinner break. I've only been able to do that a couple of times. I never count on getting a lunch break or leaving when I'm supposed to. In fact I'm shocked when it happens.
I am (slowly) settling into life here. The other day I realized I was having the wrong attitude. I was telling myself that my life was on hold until I got more settled here. But I can't think like that. I mean, this is my life. It's happening. I can't have the attitude that I'll start living when I feel more at home. I had that attitude for so many years and I missed out on too much.
It's hard though.. ..I mean there are only so many times you can go shopping by yourself without buying something (and that's something I have to stay away from). And I don't have cable or internet so I've been watching Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls on DVD. Except I only have one season of each of those so I'm getting through them pretty quick. I have to figure out more ways to occupy my time. Oh well I'll get there eventually.
I'll write about the job when I find out something. If I don't get it I'll just keep looking. If I stay at the hotel I'd have to get a second job. If I get this other job I may see if I could stay at the hotel just PT and work a few evenings or something.Who knows.
Ok bye!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
So many thoughts
I have so many thoughts running around in my head that I don't know how to get them all out. And unfortunately my internet access is sketchy. . .today I'm at Panera (it's right down the road, score!!!!) but I can't come here too often or I will have no money.
Ok so the basics: I'm working at the hotel and the last two days have been the main shuttle van driver during my shift which means I get tips! Woohoo! I averaged about $20 a day the last two days. Woohoo! That means I have money for a few necessities and some bills as well.
I have an interview tomorrow at a dental insurance company. It's a sales assistant (mostly all administrative work) position and I'd get the kind of money I need which would be GREAT. So we'll see about that. Even though the hotel hasn't been that bad it doesn't pay enough and I'd love to avoid having to get two jobs.
Working has helped me feel better about being here. I didn't feel like myself (Dave definitely noticed) and just felt uneasy about everything. And I was being super clingy and needy because I don't really have my own life here yet. But, now, I'm feeling more settled and gaining back my independence. I'm not going to be hanging out at Dave's as much anymore. It was getting hard on both of us because on one hand we were really comfortable but at the same time our relationship is new enough we were missing out on dating each other and continuing to let our relationship grow.
It's hard though, because neither of us know how really! Neither of us have had too much experience with actually dating someone and having a good healthy relationship. So we're going to try not seeing each other as much which will mean we have to be diligent about making plans to get together and just enjoy dating one another instead of playing house.
And even though I'm ok with Dave's kids, I was starting to realize how much time it's going to take me for me to actually be ok with being a mom right away. I have a lot to learn. They're great kids. . .they surprise me a lot. Jonathan is adorable and as much as Dave probably hates that I do, I love picking him up and giving him a big hug or carrying him somewhere. It's hard to resist his big adorable eyes looking up and saying "I want you." A few days ago, Josh and I pretended we were laying underneath the stars and saw shooting stars and made wishes. Every couple of wishes, the wish would be for a hug or kiss, which the other would happily oblige. Katie has come over to my apartment to spend the night and we just have fun watching movies and getting away from the crazy boys and having girl time. And Caleb. . .well. . .he really is a great kid but life has dealt him a lot of crap early on that he'll be dealing with for a long time. Every once in awhile he'll surprise me and give me a hug.
I think no matter what happens, I'll be happy here. I'm glad I moved and have this chance.
I even like the AG church Dave goes to. It's not too bad. Sometimes on the verge of being too charasmatic for my taste but I like the pastor's sermons and I've met some people that I think I'd like to hang out with. In fact I get to go play tennis with Dave and another girl from church tonight.
Which means I must go now.
Write more soon.
Ok so the basics: I'm working at the hotel and the last two days have been the main shuttle van driver during my shift which means I get tips! Woohoo! I averaged about $20 a day the last two days. Woohoo! That means I have money for a few necessities and some bills as well.
I have an interview tomorrow at a dental insurance company. It's a sales assistant (mostly all administrative work) position and I'd get the kind of money I need which would be GREAT. So we'll see about that. Even though the hotel hasn't been that bad it doesn't pay enough and I'd love to avoid having to get two jobs.
Working has helped me feel better about being here. I didn't feel like myself (Dave definitely noticed) and just felt uneasy about everything. And I was being super clingy and needy because I don't really have my own life here yet. But, now, I'm feeling more settled and gaining back my independence. I'm not going to be hanging out at Dave's as much anymore. It was getting hard on both of us because on one hand we were really comfortable but at the same time our relationship is new enough we were missing out on dating each other and continuing to let our relationship grow.
It's hard though, because neither of us know how really! Neither of us have had too much experience with actually dating someone and having a good healthy relationship. So we're going to try not seeing each other as much which will mean we have to be diligent about making plans to get together and just enjoy dating one another instead of playing house.
And even though I'm ok with Dave's kids, I was starting to realize how much time it's going to take me for me to actually be ok with being a mom right away. I have a lot to learn. They're great kids. . .they surprise me a lot. Jonathan is adorable and as much as Dave probably hates that I do, I love picking him up and giving him a big hug or carrying him somewhere. It's hard to resist his big adorable eyes looking up and saying "I want you." A few days ago, Josh and I pretended we were laying underneath the stars and saw shooting stars and made wishes. Every couple of wishes, the wish would be for a hug or kiss, which the other would happily oblige. Katie has come over to my apartment to spend the night and we just have fun watching movies and getting away from the crazy boys and having girl time. And Caleb. . .well. . .he really is a great kid but life has dealt him a lot of crap early on that he'll be dealing with for a long time. Every once in awhile he'll surprise me and give me a hug.
I think no matter what happens, I'll be happy here. I'm glad I moved and have this chance.
I even like the AG church Dave goes to. It's not too bad. Sometimes on the verge of being too charasmatic for my taste but I like the pastor's sermons and I've met some people that I think I'd like to hang out with. In fact I get to go play tennis with Dave and another girl from church tonight.
Which means I must go now.
Write more soon.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Short update
I don't know how long the internet will actually work (just picking up on a wireless signal; most of the time it doesn't work) but I just wanted to give you all an update.
I got a job. It's at a hotel downtown and I started this week. It's not too bad; not that great either really. I'm still going to be looking for something better.
I'm glad I'm working now though.
So that's the update; everything else is going pretty good. Dave and I are still figuring out what our relationship is going to look like now that we're actually around each other now. Sometimes it's hard to figure out. But we're getting there. Me having my own life out here is going to help a lot and me having a job will help me have a life here.
I'll try to write again soon. I'm probably eventually going to change the name of this blog. . .I guess biology doesn't have too mucdh to do with my life anymore. We'll see.
I got a job. It's at a hotel downtown and I started this week. It's not too bad; not that great either really. I'm still going to be looking for something better.
I'm glad I'm working now though.
So that's the update; everything else is going pretty good. Dave and I are still figuring out what our relationship is going to look like now that we're actually around each other now. Sometimes it's hard to figure out. But we're getting there. Me having my own life out here is going to help a lot and me having a job will help me have a life here.
I'll try to write again soon. I'm probably eventually going to change the name of this blog. . .I guess biology doesn't have too mucdh to do with my life anymore. We'll see.
Short update
I don't know how long the internet will actually work (just picking up on a wireless signal; most of the time it doesn't work) but I just wanted to give you all an update.
I got a job. It's at a hotel downtown and I started this week. It's not too bad; not that great either really. I'm still going to be looking for something better.
I'm glad I'm working now though.
So that's the update; everything else is going pretty good. Dave and I are still figuring out what our relationship is going to look like now that we're actually around each other now. Sometimes it's hard to figure out. But we're getting there. Me having my own life out here is going to help a lot and me having a job will help me have a life here.
I'll try to write again soon. I'm probably eventually going to change the name of this blog. . .I guess biology doesn't have too mucdh to do with my life anymore. We'll see.
I got a job. It's at a hotel downtown and I started this week. It's not too bad; not that great either really. I'm still going to be looking for something better.
I'm glad I'm working now though.
So that's the update; everything else is going pretty good. Dave and I are still figuring out what our relationship is going to look like now that we're actually around each other now. Sometimes it's hard to figure out. But we're getting there. Me having my own life out here is going to help a lot and me having a job will help me have a life here.
I'll try to write again soon. I'm probably eventually going to change the name of this blog. . .I guess biology doesn't have too mucdh to do with my life anymore. We'll see.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Job interview!
I have a job interview Friday at a hotel. Hopefully that will work out. I need something! I'll have to get a 2nd job if I work there; it won't pay enough. But oh well. At least I'll be working. I wish Starbucks would call me; I could get free coffee. I miss coffee. The only coffee I get is at church on Wednesday nights. But nothing like a triple grande caramel macchiato. Starbucks would make a good 2nd job.
It stinks feeling so down when you feel like you should be so happy. I am happy, I just can't show it very well right now. I know that's normal. I mean, I did just pick up and uproot myself from what was familiar to a very unfamiliar situation.
I went to church last night. I've been to Wednesday night church twice and Sunday morning once. Wednesday night is just a group bible study thing. It was interesting. . .we talked about Saul (Paul) in Acts and how he went from comfortable life as a Jew to a believer in Christ. And how when that happened, Jews wanted him dead and believers didn't trust his conversion. He didn't belong anywhere.
I feel like that right now. I had gotten to the point where I wanted to go to church on Sunday and liked where I was going. I still didn't know anyone at the church; I hadn't gotten that far yet. Now I'm in a totally different church and with someone who is so comfortable and at home there and wants me to feel the same way. Which is fine but it's so hard. I've always felt that way in churches. I get a nervous knot in my stomach. I hope it goes away eventually.
Ok so pray or something that I get this job. It could be cool; I've never worked at a hotel before and this is one of the nicer ones in town. I think I could enjoy it.
It stinks feeling so down when you feel like you should be so happy. I am happy, I just can't show it very well right now. I know that's normal. I mean, I did just pick up and uproot myself from what was familiar to a very unfamiliar situation.
I went to church last night. I've been to Wednesday night church twice and Sunday morning once. Wednesday night is just a group bible study thing. It was interesting. . .we talked about Saul (Paul) in Acts and how he went from comfortable life as a Jew to a believer in Christ. And how when that happened, Jews wanted him dead and believers didn't trust his conversion. He didn't belong anywhere.
I feel like that right now. I had gotten to the point where I wanted to go to church on Sunday and liked where I was going. I still didn't know anyone at the church; I hadn't gotten that far yet. Now I'm in a totally different church and with someone who is so comfortable and at home there and wants me to feel the same way. Which is fine but it's so hard. I've always felt that way in churches. I get a nervous knot in my stomach. I hope it goes away eventually.
Ok so pray or something that I get this job. It could be cool; I've never worked at a hotel before and this is one of the nicer ones in town. I think I could enjoy it.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
stress
I'm stressed. I admit it. I'm also depressed. Especially yesterday. I slept until about 11 am, didn't do anything, except clean up my apartment (which is still not even close to being unpacked) and watch episodes from the first season of Grey's Anatomy (Totally off the subject, I can't WAIT until the 2nd season comes out). I'm feeling better today. I'm just stressed because I haven't found a job yet and I still feel so unsettled.
I told Dave I need to explore Wichita sometime. All I know is how to get from my apartment to his house, to his office, and to church. That's about it.
And I just need to find a job (or two) so I can quit stressing about money and actually buy some groceries sometime. And gas. I'm almost out.
I'm feeling better today but yesterday I was on the verge of crying most of the day. It's very frustrating going back to feeling so depressed when I had been doing so well the last few months. And not knowing how anyone can help make me feel better because no one has ever really attempted to make me feel better.
Anyway like I said I really am feeling better today. I really need a job...I'll keep looking and try not to worry.
I really want to be able to go to Starbucks and Chipotle. Especially Chipotle. Chipotle is good. I need rice and beans and guacamole.
I told Dave I need to explore Wichita sometime. All I know is how to get from my apartment to his house, to his office, and to church. That's about it.
And I just need to find a job (or two) so I can quit stressing about money and actually buy some groceries sometime. And gas. I'm almost out.
I'm feeling better today but yesterday I was on the verge of crying most of the day. It's very frustrating going back to feeling so depressed when I had been doing so well the last few months. And not knowing how anyone can help make me feel better because no one has ever really attempted to make me feel better.
Anyway like I said I really am feeling better today. I really need a job...I'll keep looking and try not to worry.
I really want to be able to go to Starbucks and Chipotle. Especially Chipotle. Chipotle is good. I need rice and beans and guacamole.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Update
Unfortunately I don't have regular internet access. The only way I can get online is at Dave's office so when I can make it there I can actually check e-mail and stuff.
I got moved into my apartment Thursday evening. We drove to Denver and back on Wednesday/Thursday. I ended up crying a little when we left. I'm not sure why. A lot of things in Colorado ended up being different than I thought they'd be. I think I wanted it to be home but it was obvious it wasn't. I never felt completely normal there. I have only made a small dent in unpacking which is not surprising for me. I still need to find a job. The girlfriend of one of Dave's friends is the assistant manager at a hotel and she said they need people there so I'm going to go apply. I'm probably going to end up having two jobs. . .which I'm not looking forward to at all, but I don't think I'm going to find one job that will pay me enough.
I'm having fun hanging out with the kids; I took care of them most of the day Saturday. I know it's going to take awhile to feel totally comfortable with them but I like getting to know them. Katie and I got to hang out for a little bit by ourselves; she helped me unpack some of my stuff, then we went to Target. The boys are just boys of course. They love playing Star Wars on playstation and playing with their light sabers.
I've been a little stressed just with the big step of moving, not having a job, and everything being turned around...I think once I get into more of a normal routine I'll calm down a little bit.
I went to Dave's church for the first time yesterday. It wasn't too bad. I liked the sermon. As usual, going to a new church was just plain hard and uncomfortable for me. I had just gotten to the point where I felt comfortable going to my church in Denver but I still wasn't to the point where I wanted to be involved with anything. It just takes me time to be comfortable...especially at a church where I was already apprehensive (it's an AG church) about going. So we'll see.
So that's just a little update on what's going on since the move to Kansas.
I got moved into my apartment Thursday evening. We drove to Denver and back on Wednesday/Thursday. I ended up crying a little when we left. I'm not sure why. A lot of things in Colorado ended up being different than I thought they'd be. I think I wanted it to be home but it was obvious it wasn't. I never felt completely normal there. I have only made a small dent in unpacking which is not surprising for me. I still need to find a job. The girlfriend of one of Dave's friends is the assistant manager at a hotel and she said they need people there so I'm going to go apply. I'm probably going to end up having two jobs. . .which I'm not looking forward to at all, but I don't think I'm going to find one job that will pay me enough.
I'm having fun hanging out with the kids; I took care of them most of the day Saturday. I know it's going to take awhile to feel totally comfortable with them but I like getting to know them. Katie and I got to hang out for a little bit by ourselves; she helped me unpack some of my stuff, then we went to Target. The boys are just boys of course. They love playing Star Wars on playstation and playing with their light sabers.
I've been a little stressed just with the big step of moving, not having a job, and everything being turned around...I think once I get into more of a normal routine I'll calm down a little bit.
I went to Dave's church for the first time yesterday. It wasn't too bad. I liked the sermon. As usual, going to a new church was just plain hard and uncomfortable for me. I had just gotten to the point where I felt comfortable going to my church in Denver but I still wasn't to the point where I wanted to be involved with anything. It just takes me time to be comfortable...especially at a church where I was already apprehensive (it's an AG church) about going. So we'll see.
So that's just a little update on what's going on since the move to Kansas.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Kansas
Well I'm in Kansas now. I had a good drive out here last Friday. I left at about 5:30 AM. And now here I am! Everything is going well. I put a deposit down on an apartment yesterday, now I'm going to be looking for a job. I'm going to a few temp agencies today and apply. Then there are a few other places that I am going to send my resume to.
I absolutely love being here and getting to see Dave. The kids have been great too. I like spending time with them. Last night I got my hair done by his little girl, Katie. And Sunday I played catch with the two little boys for a little bit. Saturday the oldest boy Caleb had a baseball game that we all went to. That was fun. He did a good job. Last night, we all watched Madagascar; I hadn't seen it before, it was funny.
Thursday morning we're leaving to go to Illinois. We're going to camp that night. We're excited. . .we're going back to the place where we met! Then, we're going to Dave's friend's wedding.
After the 4th of July, we're going back to get all my stuff and get me moved into my apartment. Right now I'm staying with a girl Dave works with.
Well that's all for now. I just wanted to give everyone an update. I'll try to keep you all up to date!
I absolutely love being here and getting to see Dave. The kids have been great too. I like spending time with them. Last night I got my hair done by his little girl, Katie. And Sunday I played catch with the two little boys for a little bit. Saturday the oldest boy Caleb had a baseball game that we all went to. That was fun. He did a good job. Last night, we all watched Madagascar; I hadn't seen it before, it was funny.
Thursday morning we're leaving to go to Illinois. We're going to camp that night. We're excited. . .we're going back to the place where we met! Then, we're going to Dave's friend's wedding.
After the 4th of July, we're going back to get all my stuff and get me moved into my apartment. Right now I'm staying with a girl Dave works with.
Well that's all for now. I just wanted to give everyone an update. I'll try to keep you all up to date!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Packing!!!!
I wrote something a week ago and I realized how much has happened so I better write some more!!!
OH MY GOSH. I'm moving to Kansas. Next week to be exact. In one week to be more exact. I was already planning on going for the weekend but now I'm going for good. We decided it for sure on Monday. What's amazing is I already have someone to take over my lease and a place to stay until I get my apartment finalized (which will hopefully be next Saturday). Then I'll just need to contact a temp agency or two to get work. And I've found a few jobs that I'm going to send in my resume for.
All my big furniture is going to stay here until after July 4 when Dave and I bring a truck and trailer to move it. I'm so excited!!!!!
Originally I had planned on moving in August but it just became more and more apparent that we both didn't want to wait that long. And getting engaged and married isn't going to come to long after. . . ;-) I still don't get to go try on dresses until I have a ring, though.
It didn't take us long to realize we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't feel like we're rushing at all. We're still enjoying what is going on, and the time we're spending talking and making plans. We're going through a book about questions to ask before you get engaged. I love listening to his thoughts on different things and just getting to know him more and more.
I'm so excited and sometimes still in disbelief. I mean, I've known him for SO long. He remembers me when I was like 8 years old. I have known the man that I will marry for most of my life. WOW.
I know things will be hard, we're going to get on each others' nerves, have fights, and wonder what the hell we were thinking but then we'll work it out, kiss (well after we're engaged, at least), and make up...hmmmm I bet that'll be fun ;-)
I'll keep you all posted on how things are going.
WOOHOO I'm just SOOOOO excited! And since I know he'll be reading this, I love you so much baby. I can't wait to see you.
OH MY GOSH. I'm moving to Kansas. Next week to be exact. In one week to be more exact. I was already planning on going for the weekend but now I'm going for good. We decided it for sure on Monday. What's amazing is I already have someone to take over my lease and a place to stay until I get my apartment finalized (which will hopefully be next Saturday). Then I'll just need to contact a temp agency or two to get work. And I've found a few jobs that I'm going to send in my resume for.
All my big furniture is going to stay here until after July 4 when Dave and I bring a truck and trailer to move it. I'm so excited!!!!!
Originally I had planned on moving in August but it just became more and more apparent that we both didn't want to wait that long. And getting engaged and married isn't going to come to long after. . . ;-) I still don't get to go try on dresses until I have a ring, though.
It didn't take us long to realize we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I don't feel like we're rushing at all. We're still enjoying what is going on, and the time we're spending talking and making plans. We're going through a book about questions to ask before you get engaged. I love listening to his thoughts on different things and just getting to know him more and more.
I'm so excited and sometimes still in disbelief. I mean, I've known him for SO long. He remembers me when I was like 8 years old. I have known the man that I will marry for most of my life. WOW.
I know things will be hard, we're going to get on each others' nerves, have fights, and wonder what the hell we were thinking but then we'll work it out, kiss (well after we're engaged, at least), and make up...hmmmm I bet that'll be fun ;-)
I'll keep you all posted on how things are going.
WOOHOO I'm just SOOOOO excited! And since I know he'll be reading this, I love you so much baby. I can't wait to see you.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Wow
So in case you didn't figure it out, the handsome man I am standing with in the below picture is Dave. :-) My Dave. My sister and I had to start specifying who we were talking about because her husband's name is Dave as well. So we had to say "my dave" or "your dave." You get the idea. ;-) And Dave decided he likes it when I say it so I do. ;-)
I'm happy. VERY happy. This all has been so amazing. 12 weeks ago I didn't even know him anymore. To me he was just a long lost friend that every once in awhlie I'd think of, hope he was doing ok, and I said a little prayer for him. NOW HE'S MY BOYFRIEND! HOLY SHIT! (that's another one of our things, every once in awhile we'll just be like Holy crap! or Holy shit!, it's funny)
When I think about all the things I wanted in a man, Dave has them. And there are even things about him that I didn't realize I did want that he has. And somehow (and very specifically, according to him) I have all the qualities he's been praying for. How awesome is that? Even right down to the fact that I love baseball! More specfically I love the Cardinals. :-)
When we were together we were so comfortable around each other. He makes me feel safe and loved. We never had to force ourselves to enjoy being around each other. We just did. It was amazing. I got to dance with him in an aisle at Hallmark and I didn't care if people thought we were crazy. We got to walk around the new Busch Stadium and talk about going to a game someday. We hung out at a bar and danced to Brown-Eyed Girl (which he had to change the words around to Green-Eyed Girl).
Even with all the fun stuff. . .I can really talk to him. And he can really talk to me. We know things about each other that not many other (if any) people know. And I do not fear that he will be judgemental, harsh, or criticize me. He is loving, encouraging, and compassionate. We've been through some very similar things so we can talk to each other and know the other person understands.
I can't believe it still sometimes. . .I'm in love with a man who I used to look up to and go to for advice at church camp. He would DJ "spontaneous movement" parties (dances) in the tabernacle and sing during church.
HOLY CRAP! This is amazing! I'm so excited. I know that whatever happens, God has got this under control. I'm just so very content and happy.
I'm just so amazed. . .so this is what this feels like huh? I'd always heard about it, seen it, and dreamed of it...and now it's here. Wow.
I'm happy. VERY happy. This all has been so amazing. 12 weeks ago I didn't even know him anymore. To me he was just a long lost friend that every once in awhlie I'd think of, hope he was doing ok, and I said a little prayer for him. NOW HE'S MY BOYFRIEND! HOLY SHIT! (that's another one of our things, every once in awhile we'll just be like Holy crap! or Holy shit!, it's funny)
When I think about all the things I wanted in a man, Dave has them. And there are even things about him that I didn't realize I did want that he has. And somehow (and very specifically, according to him) I have all the qualities he's been praying for. How awesome is that? Even right down to the fact that I love baseball! More specfically I love the Cardinals. :-)
When we were together we were so comfortable around each other. He makes me feel safe and loved. We never had to force ourselves to enjoy being around each other. We just did. It was amazing. I got to dance with him in an aisle at Hallmark and I didn't care if people thought we were crazy. We got to walk around the new Busch Stadium and talk about going to a game someday. We hung out at a bar and danced to Brown-Eyed Girl (which he had to change the words around to Green-Eyed Girl).
Even with all the fun stuff. . .I can really talk to him. And he can really talk to me. We know things about each other that not many other (if any) people know. And I do not fear that he will be judgemental, harsh, or criticize me. He is loving, encouraging, and compassionate. We've been through some very similar things so we can talk to each other and know the other person understands.
I can't believe it still sometimes. . .I'm in love with a man who I used to look up to and go to for advice at church camp. He would DJ "spontaneous movement" parties (dances) in the tabernacle and sing during church.
HOLY CRAP! This is amazing! I'm so excited. I know that whatever happens, God has got this under control. I'm just so very content and happy.
I'm just so amazed. . .so this is what this feels like huh? I'd always heard about it, seen it, and dreamed of it...and now it's here. Wow.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Hmmm, not sure about this, but OK!
| You Are Kermit |
 Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies! |
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
My trip
My trip was amazing. Absolutely amazing. Oh where to begin. . .
I went from nervous to anxious to excited on Tuesday. I was freaking out when I left for the airport but then by the time my plane actually left (it was late) I was just so excited I couldn't stand it! I had to walk down this long hallway to get past all the gates at the Wichita airport and then. . .there he was. We had a nice long hug and we just couldn't stop looking at each other. We couldn't believe we were actually seeing each other again. We stood with our arms linked while we waited for my luggage.
We left for IL around 7:30 am Wednesday after getting some breakfast and dropping his kids off at daycare. The drive was great! For at least the first two hours we just kept looking over at each other and smiling and laughing. . .we were just so excited and amazed that we were actually together. We still couldn't believe it. We just talked, laughed, and listened to music . . . I just loved being there with him. We got to listen to some Chicago, Rascal Flatts, and Weird Al :-) We didn't even listen to much music. . we just enjoyed each other's company.
On Thursday I went with him to his hometown so he could see his old high school; they're tearing it down. He saw a lot of old teachers and people he knew. It was fun seeing where he grew up and listen to him reminisce. I told him just wait until he has to do that with me. . .there are towns all over southern Illinois to visit! hehehe!
Thursday evening we went to Vandalia for pizza with my family. Then I stayed with my sister and he went back to where he was staying. I spent Friday hanging out with my neice and nephew. Then Friday night I hung out with Kyle and Sarah; we went to Outback. YUMMY!!!! (Thanks for dinner you guys!)
Then I got back to my parents house on Saturday, went to pick up Dave (I had his van) and we hung out. First we went to Monical's Pizza. It was great. Dave got to play Pacman. Then we went back to my parents to change for the wedding. Before that though we went to get ice cream at a little place in Oblong that my parents like and know the owners. I met them before and knew I wanted to stop by to say hi. I introduced Dave as "my friend." I told him later that it just seemed odd to say we were only friends because it was becoming more and more obvious that there was more going on.
So we talked about it some more and he said that if we had a relationship it was going to be because we wanted to see if it could lead to marriage. Which of course is fine with me becuase I don't want to just date for the sake of dating. I want a clearly defined relationship. So then he asked if I would be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. :)
We went to the wedding. . .he ended up doing a lot to get everything at the church ready, I ended up attending to the guest book. I got to meet his dad and stepmom, who are wonderful. I'm going to enjoy getting to know them. His mom, on the other hand. . . oh well.
We slow-danced at the reception which was wonderful. And it was very funny watching him freak out about the DJ. Dave is a DJ (along with working at a radio station) and he was very critical of the guy who DJed the wedding (he was pretty bad). I got to see him dance to YMCA. . now THAT was hilarious. :-)
After the reception, we all (including the bride and groom) went out to a bar. There was a live band and we ended up dancing there too. It was sooooo much fun! Then we walked around Robinson and talked and laughed and hugged. We have a no-kissing-until-we're-engaged rule. . .already know that it's going to be VERY difficult but we're determined. Luckily I get kisses on the cheek and eskimo kisses (eskimo kisses are fun, Val!). I got back to my parents at like 3 am. Then we went to church at 9 am!
We left Illinois, went to see the new Busch Stadium (I have to admit, it is pretty nice except it still looks like every other new stadium in the country), then headed back to Wichita. We hung out for a bit, then I went to my hotel, then the next morning Dave came to get me. I saw the radio station, we went to see X-Men 3, and tried REALLY hard not think about the fact I was leaving in a only a few hours. We picked up the kids and then had a little time to ourselves while they took a nap before we went to the airport.
Then I had to leave. I miss him so much! I missed him as soon as I walked through security at the airport!
It's hard not to get ahead of ourselves. I'm trying to be patient. ..I really want to just move to Wichita right now! Who would ever have thought I'd actually want to live in Kansas? But we'll see. . .
I'm going to visit sometime in June, I hope. I really want to go to Illinois with him when he goes for his friend's wedding...but I'd have to take 2 or 3 days off of work and I don't know if that would work out. I still may see about it though.
And then in July he's going to come here and we're going to go to the Rockies/Cardinals game! WOOHOO!!!!
I'm SOOOO excited about this. I still can't believe it's happening! It's hard not to get my hopes up but this could really be it. . .WOW! HOLY CRAP! ;-)
I'm happy. .. VERY happy!!!
I went from nervous to anxious to excited on Tuesday. I was freaking out when I left for the airport but then by the time my plane actually left (it was late) I was just so excited I couldn't stand it! I had to walk down this long hallway to get past all the gates at the Wichita airport and then. . .there he was. We had a nice long hug and we just couldn't stop looking at each other. We couldn't believe we were actually seeing each other again. We stood with our arms linked while we waited for my luggage.
We left for IL around 7:30 am Wednesday after getting some breakfast and dropping his kids off at daycare. The drive was great! For at least the first two hours we just kept looking over at each other and smiling and laughing. . .we were just so excited and amazed that we were actually together. We still couldn't believe it. We just talked, laughed, and listened to music . . . I just loved being there with him. We got to listen to some Chicago, Rascal Flatts, and Weird Al :-) We didn't even listen to much music. . we just enjoyed each other's company.
On Thursday I went with him to his hometown so he could see his old high school; they're tearing it down. He saw a lot of old teachers and people he knew. It was fun seeing where he grew up and listen to him reminisce. I told him just wait until he has to do that with me. . .there are towns all over southern Illinois to visit! hehehe!
Thursday evening we went to Vandalia for pizza with my family. Then I stayed with my sister and he went back to where he was staying. I spent Friday hanging out with my neice and nephew. Then Friday night I hung out with Kyle and Sarah; we went to Outback. YUMMY!!!! (Thanks for dinner you guys!)
Then I got back to my parents house on Saturday, went to pick up Dave (I had his van) and we hung out. First we went to Monical's Pizza. It was great. Dave got to play Pacman. Then we went back to my parents to change for the wedding. Before that though we went to get ice cream at a little place in Oblong that my parents like and know the owners. I met them before and knew I wanted to stop by to say hi. I introduced Dave as "my friend." I told him later that it just seemed odd to say we were only friends because it was becoming more and more obvious that there was more going on.
So we talked about it some more and he said that if we had a relationship it was going to be because we wanted to see if it could lead to marriage. Which of course is fine with me becuase I don't want to just date for the sake of dating. I want a clearly defined relationship. So then he asked if I would be his girlfriend and of course I said yes. :)
We went to the wedding. . .he ended up doing a lot to get everything at the church ready, I ended up attending to the guest book. I got to meet his dad and stepmom, who are wonderful. I'm going to enjoy getting to know them. His mom, on the other hand. . . oh well.
We slow-danced at the reception which was wonderful. And it was very funny watching him freak out about the DJ. Dave is a DJ (along with working at a radio station) and he was very critical of the guy who DJed the wedding (he was pretty bad). I got to see him dance to YMCA. . now THAT was hilarious. :-)
After the reception, we all (including the bride and groom) went out to a bar. There was a live band and we ended up dancing there too. It was sooooo much fun! Then we walked around Robinson and talked and laughed and hugged. We have a no-kissing-until-we're-engaged rule. . .already know that it's going to be VERY difficult but we're determined. Luckily I get kisses on the cheek and eskimo kisses (eskimo kisses are fun, Val!). I got back to my parents at like 3 am. Then we went to church at 9 am!
We left Illinois, went to see the new Busch Stadium (I have to admit, it is pretty nice except it still looks like every other new stadium in the country), then headed back to Wichita. We hung out for a bit, then I went to my hotel, then the next morning Dave came to get me. I saw the radio station, we went to see X-Men 3, and tried REALLY hard not think about the fact I was leaving in a only a few hours. We picked up the kids and then had a little time to ourselves while they took a nap before we went to the airport.
Then I had to leave. I miss him so much! I missed him as soon as I walked through security at the airport!
It's hard not to get ahead of ourselves. I'm trying to be patient. ..I really want to just move to Wichita right now! Who would ever have thought I'd actually want to live in Kansas? But we'll see. . .
I'm going to visit sometime in June, I hope. I really want to go to Illinois with him when he goes for his friend's wedding...but I'd have to take 2 or 3 days off of work and I don't know if that would work out. I still may see about it though.
And then in July he's going to come here and we're going to go to the Rockies/Cardinals game! WOOHOO!!!!
I'm SOOOO excited about this. I still can't believe it's happening! It's hard not to get my hopes up but this could really be it. . .WOW! HOLY CRAP! ;-)
I'm happy. .. VERY happy!!!
Monday, May 22, 2006
Saturday, May 20, 2006
3 days
Only 3 more days until I see Dave.
I am flying to Wichita on Tuesday evening and then we are driving to Illinois on Wednesday. I'm SOOOO excited, I must say. We were both trying to figure out why I didn't fly in sooner. I could've been there by now! :)
So many things are running through my head today. And have been for the last few. Things have. . . . . well. . . .progressed. Progressed to a point I wasn't expecting. It's shocked the hell out of me quite honestly (in a good way).
I'm excited (and I must admit, a little nervous) to see what is going to happen.
We're both praying. . .trying to be patient. . .and hoping. . .but definitely praying. And we've got other people praying too.
Only 3 more days!!!!!! YYAYAYAYAYAY!
That's all for now. ;-)
I am flying to Wichita on Tuesday evening and then we are driving to Illinois on Wednesday. I'm SOOOO excited, I must say. We were both trying to figure out why I didn't fly in sooner. I could've been there by now! :)
So many things are running through my head today. And have been for the last few. Things have. . . . . well. . . .progressed. Progressed to a point I wasn't expecting. It's shocked the hell out of me quite honestly (in a good way).
I'm excited (and I must admit, a little nervous) to see what is going to happen.
We're both praying. . .trying to be patient. . .and hoping. . .but definitely praying. And we've got other people praying too.
Only 3 more days!!!!!! YYAYAYAYAYAY!
That's all for now. ;-)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Romancing
Today I went to church. I am really glad I went. The sermon was by Monte Swan. . .who goes to the church and who wrote the book "Romancing Your Child's Heart."
What is interesting about Monte is that he is a research geologist. Now even though I am not into geology as much as I am into human biology and organic chemistry (how freakin cool is that I can actually say I'm into organic chemistry, it's absolutely fascinating...i need to take biochem and then I'll really be excited!), I love when scientists talk about their love of God and how they see and experience God through creation. And not just "oh those flowers are pretty" but they experience God through the intricate workings of the petal, the stem, and how they reproduce.
It's not surprising to me that I ended up doing something science related in college. I have always been fascinated with nature. I have always experienced God through his creation. Whether it be dark clouds rolling in bringing rain, thunder and lightning, a lilac bush, an open field with the huge sky overhead, or the night sky scattered with stars, I experience God. One thing that I love about the church I go to is that it is up in the mountains a little ways. When you get off on the exit to go to the church, you come up on an amazing view of Mt. Evans. It's just this gorgeous expanse of towering, magnificent mountains. Everytime I see it I am in awe. I am in wonder. One thing the speaker said this morning was "wonder is a heartbeat away from worship." I'll definitely have to remember that.
Something that was mentioned that is interesting was how western Christians tend to not want to focus on nature because of pantheism...which is defined as "A doctrine identifying the Deity with the universe and its phenomena." So basically people were more likely to worship nature. Nature was the god. But the speaker had something to say to the effect of we can't separate God from his creation. He defined the word Panentheism (notice the en in there). "the paradox of a simultaneously immanent and transcendent God. "Pan" means God is "all" and everywhere within the Creation (immanent) and "en" means He is outside the Creation (completely transcendent) and the Creation is contained "within" Him. Panentheism launches living beyond time and space into the eternal present and forever pierces the thin place of the Divine Presence.
He also quoted Eugene Peterson "Re-enter the world with a second nativete. Look at the world with childlike wonder, ready to be startled into surprised delight by the profuse abundance of truth and beauty and goodness that is spilling out of the skies at every moment. Cultivate a hermeneutics of adoration - see how large, how splendid, how magnificent life is."
That is all gives me so much to think about. How can I fathom that the creator of the universe actually cares about me? How can I fathom that he wants to romance me? That he wants me? And not just the good parts, he wants all of me!
I also think about how it's not just through nature I experience God; it is through his ultimate creation, people. It's a kind of paradox...here we are God's most beloved creation yet nothing compared to God. We are created in his image, yet we are weak, messed up, and in need of a Savior. And we are so quick to criticize and hate each other. . .hate God's creation and therefore, hate God.
I see this when I observe how parents treat their children. Children should be treated as the most amazing miracle. It only takes reading about the development of an embryo for me to know that God had something amazing in mind when he came up with the idea. And yet, the attitude of children today is that they are not that important, they can't be children (we take away their child-like wonder way too quickly), and they are treated as a commodity instead of a miracle, instead of a blessing.
Today is mother's day. One friend of mine is a mom for the first time but is also dealing with her mother being gone...one friend is a dad basically having to be a mom at the same time, and I keep thinking about my mom. My mom is probably a lot greater than I really realize...she just can be very closed off sometimes. I can be like that too. We've talked about how there were a lot of things she never said or did that really affected me growing up. That was when I actually got to a point of forgiving my parents...anyway it makes me think of maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to be a mom. I would love to hold a baby in my arms and rejoice in his or her creation. I want to be able to love them and let them know they are wonderful and loved by God. I want to be able to instill in them the confidence that allows them to be able to face the world and know I am right behind them. But I also want to be able to let them know that...I'm not perfect and I will mess up...hmmmmm. How do you do that?
God is romancing me. He has given me people who love me who point me to Him. He gives me lilac bushes and thunderstorms, mountains, and plains. He gives me the pounding of drums and the soothing sound of a violin. He has given me everything I need to see Him, to love Him, and to enjoy Him.
I'm happy.
What is interesting about Monte is that he is a research geologist. Now even though I am not into geology as much as I am into human biology and organic chemistry (how freakin cool is that I can actually say I'm into organic chemistry, it's absolutely fascinating...i need to take biochem and then I'll really be excited!), I love when scientists talk about their love of God and how they see and experience God through creation. And not just "oh those flowers are pretty" but they experience God through the intricate workings of the petal, the stem, and how they reproduce.
It's not surprising to me that I ended up doing something science related in college. I have always been fascinated with nature. I have always experienced God through his creation. Whether it be dark clouds rolling in bringing rain, thunder and lightning, a lilac bush, an open field with the huge sky overhead, or the night sky scattered with stars, I experience God. One thing that I love about the church I go to is that it is up in the mountains a little ways. When you get off on the exit to go to the church, you come up on an amazing view of Mt. Evans. It's just this gorgeous expanse of towering, magnificent mountains. Everytime I see it I am in awe. I am in wonder. One thing the speaker said this morning was "wonder is a heartbeat away from worship." I'll definitely have to remember that.
Something that was mentioned that is interesting was how western Christians tend to not want to focus on nature because of pantheism...which is defined as "A doctrine identifying the Deity with the universe and its phenomena." So basically people were more likely to worship nature. Nature was the god. But the speaker had something to say to the effect of we can't separate God from his creation. He defined the word Panentheism (notice the en in there). "the paradox of a simultaneously immanent and transcendent God. "Pan" means God is "all" and everywhere within the Creation (immanent) and "en" means He is outside the Creation (completely transcendent) and the Creation is contained "within" Him. Panentheism launches living beyond time and space into the eternal present and forever pierces the thin place of the Divine Presence.
He also quoted Eugene Peterson "Re-enter the world with a second nativete. Look at the world with childlike wonder, ready to be startled into surprised delight by the profuse abundance of truth and beauty and goodness that is spilling out of the skies at every moment. Cultivate a hermeneutics of adoration - see how large, how splendid, how magnificent life is."
That is all gives me so much to think about. How can I fathom that the creator of the universe actually cares about me? How can I fathom that he wants to romance me? That he wants me? And not just the good parts, he wants all of me!
I also think about how it's not just through nature I experience God; it is through his ultimate creation, people. It's a kind of paradox...here we are God's most beloved creation yet nothing compared to God. We are created in his image, yet we are weak, messed up, and in need of a Savior. And we are so quick to criticize and hate each other. . .hate God's creation and therefore, hate God.
I see this when I observe how parents treat their children. Children should be treated as the most amazing miracle. It only takes reading about the development of an embryo for me to know that God had something amazing in mind when he came up with the idea. And yet, the attitude of children today is that they are not that important, they can't be children (we take away their child-like wonder way too quickly), and they are treated as a commodity instead of a miracle, instead of a blessing.
Today is mother's day. One friend of mine is a mom for the first time but is also dealing with her mother being gone...one friend is a dad basically having to be a mom at the same time, and I keep thinking about my mom. My mom is probably a lot greater than I really realize...she just can be very closed off sometimes. I can be like that too. We've talked about how there were a lot of things she never said or did that really affected me growing up. That was when I actually got to a point of forgiving my parents...anyway it makes me think of maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to be a mom. I would love to hold a baby in my arms and rejoice in his or her creation. I want to be able to love them and let them know they are wonderful and loved by God. I want to be able to instill in them the confidence that allows them to be able to face the world and know I am right behind them. But I also want to be able to let them know that...I'm not perfect and I will mess up...hmmmmm. How do you do that?
God is romancing me. He has given me people who love me who point me to Him. He gives me lilac bushes and thunderstorms, mountains, and plains. He gives me the pounding of drums and the soothing sound of a violin. He has given me everything I need to see Him, to love Him, and to enjoy Him.
I'm happy.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Graduation and right to work
I wanted to write something sooner than this but it's taken me awhile to recover from this weekend. And let the fact that I'm working full time now sink in.
So I graduated from college. I don't know if it'll sink in really until I'm not going to school in the fall. No classes to sign up for or worry about. Woohoo!
I got a job. I'm working at a small marketing company. I'm basically doing office manager kind of stuff. I really don't think I'll like it too much but I'm trying to have a good attitude about it.
The good attitude part is hard especially because I just feel stuck. I feel stuck in the place I'm living, stuck at this job, and stuck in Colorado. But like I said I'm really going to try to have a good attitude about it. I'm going to stick it out at least until the end of the summer. Especially when it comes to my living situation. One roommate is moving out and the girl who is moving in has a cat which my other roommate is not ok with (and told our landlord that but apparently he didn't care). And I am not ok with having two totally new roommates (if my other one moves out). So we'll see. If I decide I can't handle it I'm definitely going to look for a different place to live. I'm not willing to be miserable in my living situation.
I guess what I really want to happen isn't realistic right now so I'll be content with what I'm doing now.
I'm really excited about what is going to happen in 12 days though. 12 more days and I'll see Dave. I'm so excited. I can't believe I'm going to see someone I haven't seen in 6 years. He sent me a bunch of CDs for me to put on my iPod for the trip. We're going to be listening to Journey, Chicago (which I realized I absolutely LOVE), and lots of Weird Al! HA! We're going to watch Anchorman, go to Steak-n-Shake, dance at the wedding reception, go see X-Men 3. . .oh just lots of stuff! It's going to be great. I can't wait!!!!
Hmmm sometimes I wish I could write more. But I don't think I will.
So I graduated from college. I don't know if it'll sink in really until I'm not going to school in the fall. No classes to sign up for or worry about. Woohoo!
I got a job. I'm working at a small marketing company. I'm basically doing office manager kind of stuff. I really don't think I'll like it too much but I'm trying to have a good attitude about it.
The good attitude part is hard especially because I just feel stuck. I feel stuck in the place I'm living, stuck at this job, and stuck in Colorado. But like I said I'm really going to try to have a good attitude about it. I'm going to stick it out at least until the end of the summer. Especially when it comes to my living situation. One roommate is moving out and the girl who is moving in has a cat which my other roommate is not ok with (and told our landlord that but apparently he didn't care). And I am not ok with having two totally new roommates (if my other one moves out). So we'll see. If I decide I can't handle it I'm definitely going to look for a different place to live. I'm not willing to be miserable in my living situation.
I guess what I really want to happen isn't realistic right now so I'll be content with what I'm doing now.
I'm really excited about what is going to happen in 12 days though. 12 more days and I'll see Dave. I'm so excited. I can't believe I'm going to see someone I haven't seen in 6 years. He sent me a bunch of CDs for me to put on my iPod for the trip. We're going to be listening to Journey, Chicago (which I realized I absolutely LOVE), and lots of Weird Al! HA! We're going to watch Anchorman, go to Steak-n-Shake, dance at the wedding reception, go see X-Men 3. . .oh just lots of stuff! It's going to be great. I can't wait!!!!
Hmmm sometimes I wish I could write more. But I don't think I will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)