I'm back

Well I am back in CO. I could've written during break but I didn't.

This semester is going to be interesting, I think. I am in Anatomy, Chemistry, and Bioethics. Also I am going to take voice lessons. I think it'll be a good balance. I really hope this semester goes better than last semester. I am really going to try to work hard and get it all together.
Today was our first chapel. It was just praise and worship. I couldn't participate. Right now I'm so out of it when it comes to things having to do with God. I about went nuts having to be around my parents over break. They're always talking about something having to do with church, faith, etc. But they're all charasmatic about it and I get so sick of it. I have tried that stuff before and I didn't have a good experience. Mom is always talking about trusting God about everything and just praying about whatever is going on. And I'm sick of it. I can't trust God with my life. I don't know how. One song we sang was about giving God our dreams and the only thing I could think was that I didn't have any dreams to trust God with, in my mind he took them all away. I mean right now I have nothing to look forward to. After last semester I don't think medical school will happen. So now what?
Who knows. Stuff with school, God, and my whole life is just crazy.
It will probably always be crazy. I still don't want to completely give up but I don't know if I have the motivation to try to get anything figured out. The faith of my parents is not what I want. It doesn't appeal to me at all. the emotional crap is just not my thing. I can't depend on it. I have before and it just lets me down.

You know I always think of things I want to write about but then I always forget when I start writing. Oh well.