My life lately

Last Sunday I woke up and reluctantly went to church. I left 30 minutes into the service. I couldn't stand the prayers, the singing, and the happy people (or at least people trying to look happy). I decided to go to chapel today and from the moment they started talking about praying for people going on mission trips, working at Christian camps, or doing some other kind of ministry related thing I wanted to leave. Apparently they are the only people worth praying for. So I was tempted to leave during the prayer but I waited until the songs started. I couldn't sit there anymore. I couldn't stand being surround by all of those people. I just couldn't stand it. So I left and went to Starbucks. I have not felt like being around people lately. I did something with my roommates last night but the whole time felt like crap. Too often I've had that feeling of being so lonely even when surrounded by people. I just want to crawl up in a hole and not come out.
I still have to find a job. I am so discouraged about it right now. The only jobs out there are ones that I have done before and hated. And I'm afraid that how my last job ended will come back and bite me in the ass. Depression screws up a bunch of stuff. I'm so sick of it.
In about a week I will be done with this semester, and be moved out of this stupid CCU campus for good. I need to start packing. I have too much junk. I'm going to throw as much stuff away as possible.
I have been on a reading kick lately. I have been reading all of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. Next I may try to read my Jane Austen books or Wuthering Heights that I borrowed. Hopefully I'll keep it up all summer. I watch too many movies. Maybe I'll actually get through the Lord of the Rings books.
Reading all about the pioneer stuff again makes me wish that I lived in a different time. I always have. yes, things like cooking, washing, etc are easier nowadays but times were simpler, families were more important. I read these stories about those times and hope I can make my family as important as back then. I remember how my mom made us kids breakfast every morning. Like eggs and bacon, pancakes and waffles. I hope I can do that someday.
Oh crap I have class. Gotta go.