I know that there's no point in living in the past or having regrets but there are times that I really wish I could turn back time. I wish I could go back and be like 20 again. Then I would be able to change my decision to drop out of school. No matter how much I hated GC I really wish I would've stayed. Then I wouldn't be almost 25 and feel like my life is worth nothing. I feel so behind other people my age. I see fellow classmates and I'm jealous. I'm jealous that they are young and have more going for them than me. I wish I could go back at least 5 years and make everything change. I guess things may not have been different if I'd made other decisions...if I really could go back I'd want to go back all the way to my childhood. I would've been raised differently, I would have been a better-adjusted child, I would've been able to stand up for myself. I wouldn't be the angry, bitter person that I have become. I really hate my life right now. I hate that I still haven't finished school, I hate that my parents still have to help me financially, I hate that I'm so obsessed with having stuff that I have racked up a bunch of debt, I hate that no matter how hard I seem to try there is always something that seems to hold me back from doing things I want to do or being successful. I'm just. . .tired. Tired of being like I am. I want to change. I want things to be better. I want to have some kind of hope again. I want to live, not just go through the motions.
And where is God in all this hate and want? Who knows. I don't trust God. I don't see what God could actually provide. And what I figure he wants from me I don't feel like I can live up to.

I guess somehow I will just keep going.