Wake me up when September ends

I love that Green Day song. It's perfect right now. Right now though I just wish it was June so I could leave Kansas.

I gave up living with some pretty good roommates, cable, internet, and rent lower than what I'm paying now along with a washer & dryer. I also had a chipotle nearby, TOTT, and New York & Company.

I have to miss the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy. And Gilmore Girls. I'm paying more for rent now, I have to pay to do my laundry, I have to find a good chinese place, and there is no New York & Company. There's no Whole Foods Market here either.

Right now that's all I can think of. I can only think of how much I gave up to be here. When I thought I was getting married (or at least in a long term relationship leading to that) it was all worth it. No cable? No big deal, Dave gets ABC through his antennae. I was going to get him hooked on Grey's. We were going to watch Gilmore Girls together.

He plays tennis at my apartment complex. MY apartment complex! And of course I ended up seeing him yesterday because I brilliantly decided to check my mail. Then I returned the drill I borrowed from him. I wanted to act all cool and content but I said a quick "here's the drill" and walked away. I couldn't even look at him. It's not fair. He was supposed to be playing tennis with me. It's not fair that I'm the one alone out here. Still crying. Still all turned upside down. AND HE'S FINE. He doesn't care that I"m not apart of his life anymore. HE DOESN"T CARE. I saw him yesterday and even though I had had a good day I fell apart. I couldn't keep the tears in. But him, oh no, it doesn't matter if he sees me. Doesn't faze him a bit. He can go on and be fine. It's not FAIR. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to get my heart broken AGAIN. I wasn't supposed to be left out in the cold, all alone, working at a stupid job that doesn't pay enough, having to find a place to go to church and find friends. AND I CAN'T. Even when Dave got divorced, he had friends here, he had his kids to keep him going, he had a church to go to and people to be there for him.
I don't have ANYTHING.

And the worst part of it is. . .I would do anything to have him back. I have to fight against myself everyday to not call him.

I can't wait until September is over. And October, November, and on through June.

This sucks. BIG TIME.