Jeans

Ok before I get to the really good news I will start off by saying that this weekend has been from hell. I have fought and fought with my decision to move. I still can't say for sure I know I am going to move. Right now the thought of it is overwelming but the thought of staying here is scaring me just as much. Dave isn't disappointed to see me go. Actually I don't know he didn't really say anything except, "I don't know what to say." So anyway I feel like there is this huge battle raging in me, and it's just frustrating. I still don't like being the one who is all unahppy and he can go on and be fine and seriously if he ends up with someone before I do I think I'm just going to give up. I get sick of being the one screwed over and trampled on only to be the one who continues to be alone.
Anyway. . . .
When I saw Dave on Friday to get my stuff, he commented that I had lost weight. Which I figured I had lost a little because there were some jeans that fit a little looser but I didn't think too much of it. But then I tried on some jeans and other pants that I haven't been able to wear for at least a year and they fit! In fact, a few more pounds and they'll be too big. The ones I'm wearing now are almost too baggy (of course that doesn't say much I've always been a fan of snug fitting pants). So I'm super excited! I haven't even really been trying. I just was trying to not gain too much. I'm going to keep not trying and see if I can get rid of the rest of this belly of mine.

5 years ago I had dropped out of GC and was living by myself and was very unhappy and depressed most of the time.
2 years ago I was on anti-depressants and pretty much, I realized, on the verge of having a drug and alcohol-abuse problem (I was basically mixing anti-depressants, alcohol and sleeping pills).
One year ago I was starting to feel better. By January and February I was happier, more content, and hopeful.
Less than six months later I feel like the same person I was 5 years ago and 2 years ago. I don't like it. I want January back.