Election Day!

Well it's election day. I told myself I wasn't going to watch anything about the results tonight but I'm in the student union to study and it's on the big screen TV so. . .I'm watching! I hope it doesn't end up like last time. It would be nice to know who's going to take office in January before Christmas.
I think it's going to be really close. Right now Bush is ahead but states major democrat states like California haven't been reported yet. So we'll see.
I have an anatomy test tomorrow. . .which is why I'm in the union. I really want to do well even if I have to stay up really late. It's over some interesting stuff - muscles. Everytime I study I'm just amazed and overwelmed about the human body. I mean, there is so much! There are so many microscopic parts and processes that go on, I wonder if I'll ever be able to figure it all out. I'll definitely always be learning something. Which is fine. I think that's one of the reasons I want to be a doctor. There is so much to learn and the technology is always changing. One day will never be the same as another. It will be exciting!
I get worried though because I don't feel like I'm doing well enough in my classes. I haven't studied enough for Chemistry and that's going to mess me up. I'm going to be studying like crazy the next few weeks and definitely over Thanksgiving.
I had to read a sermon entitled "Why God Used D. L. Moody" given by a collegue of his, Torrey. It was interesting. There was the basic stuff, he prayed, he was humbled, he studied the Bible, he had a passion for the lost, all that kind of stuff. Then my professor discussed it and talked about how a lot of that stuff about Moody could be said about people here. And all I was thinking was "not me." Right now things having to do with God are so hard for me to concentrate on. Praying is super hard and when I do try I feel so inadequate. I haven't picked up my Bible since before the summer. At the beginning of the year I went to a leadership retreat and did a lot of praying and crying but I just feel like it was all emotion. And I can't trust my emotions. They've always let me down.
But I will keep going. There's a part of me that knows I will never be able to completely turn away from God. I still want to somehow get to a point where I feel like I have a relationship with God. I just don't know what that will look like for me.
Ok time to study.