Happy

So, I am happy. I can't believe it. I've been more happy in the last few months than I have been in the last few years (let's going on 5 or 6 now). And after that long of having a lot more bad days than good days, it's still weird for me to feel joyous and hopeful. And I am. More than I have been in a long time.
Yes, I got totally stressed out yesterday thinking of all that I had to do. But I vented (thanks for listening to me, D) and got calmed down and even though I will be up very late the next few nights, I am more calm about it and know I will do the best I can.
It's weird to actually feel better. Sometimes I am just so bursting with excitement, happiness, or joy I just don't know what to do with myself. And I know the happiness will not always be there, but I hope the just overall joy can stick around for awhile.

Today I went to chapel and actually enjoyed it. That doesn't happen very often. First we got an update about the SoulForce visit. Everything went really well. Nothing crazy happened. The president said that the people of SoulForce were just amazed by the grace and love they experienced. In fact, at least one person said that now when she hears the label "Christian" it will not hold as many negative conotations for her anymore. I was just overjoyed to hear that! I've struggled with the label Christian because it can have many negative meanings. And it definitely does for the homosexual community. So I was just happy that God was glorified and his love was shown during their visit. Oh Lord, that sounded all christiany didn't it? :-P

Then we sang some songs. .. and they were all just praise songs. I liked that. Sometimes we sing too many songs that are more about us than God. These were about God and it was good. I just stood there sometimes tapping my foot to the pounding drums singing at the top of lungs and then other times stood there still and silent. It was nice to forget about me as much as I could and just praise. :) Again it's something I haven't been able to do in a long time but I'm slowly getting back to it. It was cool.

I am just good right now. I'm thankful that God is working on me, he's showing me more of who he really is and that is erasing the negative image I've had for so long. He's also showing me who I really am and the negative images of me are being erased. I am so thankful for people he has put in my life lately, ok so one in particular...it's been amazing. I know I still have a long way to go, but it's good to feel like I'm actually walking instead of standing still.

Ok so by the end of this week I may look back at this and be like "ok well that was just the calm before the storm, now I'm freakin out!" HAhaha! oh well! I just need to calmly get through the things I need to get done and I'll be fine. No 12 mile walks.