I'm schedule to work 31 hours at the hotel this week. That'll be fun. And this week I'm determined to get up in the morning so I can eat breakfast. Lately I've just had an apple and it's not enough and I get hungry mid-morning and the only thing available to eat is junk food. Plus when I go to the hotel to work, dinner is pretty much non-existent. It will consist of an apple and string cheese. Which is why I have to wake up early enough to eat breakfast because the apple has to be saved for dinner. At least lunch is all figured out. I've got it down so that I make enough chicken and rice for the whole week.

I already feel better. I don't feel like I'm sitting around doing nothing. And now I'll be able to pay all my bills and feel like I'm getting a handle on everything.

At church, the pastor has been doing a sermon series called "Grace Works: Living Beyond Myself" and he set up a pyramid like that hierarchy of needs and the first step on the pyramid is "identity." He asked the question, "Can you accept the fact that God accepts you?" And I wonder, can I really? Last year I thought I was getting to the point where I could. Then after everything from June until now has made me question all of it completely. And as usual I know in my head I am loved and cherished by God. I know that he rejoices over me. But the rest of me has trouble really believing it. How can he continue to rejoice over me when I just seem to always mess everything up? I never seem to get anything right. How can he love someone who constantly says she wants to trust him but never manages to figure out how?