Random rambling

I'm bored. So I decided to write some more. But let's see what to write?
I've been looking at apartments in Denver. I think I want to either live back around where I did before or live downtown. Downtown might be a little harder to pull off. But oh my gosh! There are so many great places. Capitol Hill, Washington Park. . .there are some AMAZING lofts downtown. I have decided I really like lofts.

But then living near where I did before means living near Belmar. . .Whole Foods. . .and I'd be closer to church...so we'll see.

One thing I was thinking about last night is how right now I have no idea what I want to do. I don't know what kind of job I want to try to do after I move from here. I have no idea if I want to go back to school, well I do want to go back but I'm really wondering what I want to do. Everything has just ended up so differently than I ever imagined and now I'm sitting here just totally questioning everything. I still want the family thing but I'm thinking that really it's not realistic to think that's going to happen anytime soon. In fact I think I'll probably be better off if I do wait quite a while. I guess. . .who knows. I really don't know right now. It doesn't matter. As much as I wish I could meet someone now I don't want to meet someone here.
When it's actually supposed to happen it'll happen, when I'm actually ready and it'll actually be real. Of course I still have a fear that I will have to go through all this again. That again, what I think is real won't be. . .that I'll get passed over again and made to feel like really I'm not good enough. I don't want to feel like that again. Somehow I will not let it happen. I think now I'll be able to recognize better when things aren't quite right and definitely make myself stand up for myself better. Somehow. . .
Oh well I'm not going to worry about it.

I wonder if I'll see cute pilot guy tonight at work.