Cold

gee I can't even get comments if I beg for them.

It's cold here. I spent last night wearing multiple layers of clothing, wrapped up in a blanket watching a movie. I must admit being cold makes me wish I had someone to cuddle with. But really the down blanket works just fine. I'm thankful I have it.

I also think I've managed to get a cold too.

A while back I mentioned that I read the book Blue Like Jazz. I have been rereading it, this time a little slower and letting it sink in more. There's a chapter about loving yourself and how Don (the author) went through a time where he was really down on himself. He did his best to love other people but thought it was, in some way, wrong to love himself. So he always put himself down and when other people tried to love him he couldn't except it. He didn't believe it. And it also made me unable to believe the God loved him. His head knew it but it didn't make it to his heart. Then one day he remembered what Jesus said: love your neighbor as yourself. He was able to see that the way he treated himself was the same way he had concluded it was wrong to treat other people. He realized that in order to really love people he had to love himself and be able to accept love from others as well.

Last year at about this time I was getting more to the point of realizing that I couldn't keep putting myself down. And it wasn't wrong to actually be confident and love myself. However, now, I realize that I still base how I feel about myself on what I think other people think of me. I still let other people define me instead of letting God do it. When D liked me it made it easier to believe that God liked me too. However, now that he doesn't it's hard not to think that God doesn't really either. My head knows that's ridiculous but you know .... I'm working on it. I know God still is head over heels about me, and no matter what my life holds, he's going to be with me every step of the way.

Ok time to decide if it's worth going outside in the ice to get some cold medicine. Maybe I'll just take NyQuil and go to sleep.