Kudos to me?

Being Made's comment from my last entry:

You know.... maybe instead of regretting the decision, you should give yourself some kudos.

You were willing to take a risk, to take a chance. And you did it for the greatest motivation of all--Love. Does it totally suck that things got all messed up, yes?

But.... you took the chance. You were brave enough to put yourself out there.

That's something a lot of people can't claim.

So maybe after this risk you will be more careful... and that will be good too. Hopefully this will help give you more wisdom to discern these tricky situations. But I hope part of you will always be willing to take a chance for something that could be really wonderful, even though it may mean risking really terrible heart-ache. Love is ALWAYS a risk. And you were brave enough to take it. And that is something that you should *not* regret

Maybe sometime I'll be able to look at it more like that. Sometimes I do but lately it's been hard. But the thing is. . .I don't know how willing I'm going to be about ever taking the chance again. I know there's always the possibility of being hurt, even if the relationship works out. I know even if I end up finding someone and getting married that won't mean days of being sad and lonely won't happen. I definitely won't walk into it lightly that's for sure.

Sometimes it just all comes back and I can't help but sit here thinking I would give anything to talk to him, to see him...sometimes I sit here thinking I really wish my mom would've been right.

But then I get bored thinking of all of it. I know I should just let myself feel how I feel. I guess I just will. Things won't always be like this.