Amen

I'm not sure why I convinced myself I was in some way supposed to stay out here. Maybe I thought I had to continue in my misery as some sort of punishment for bad decisions. Maybe I was scared. Maybe it was just continued wishful thinking. Whatever the reason I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being miserable and scared. So I'm doing what I need to do to start the process of getting out of here and getting on with my life.
I still don't know what my life will hold and I'm still not sure what I really want but I'm going to figure it out eventually. Sure I still don't like everything that happened but oh well.

Tonight in Bible study we went over Romans 11. It's pretty loaded and hard to understand, but the very end is something to always remember:

"O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counsellor? Or who has given a gift to him, to receive a gift in return? For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:33-36)

It's still hard trusting God. It downright sucks sometimes. But somehow I'm still going to.