The time is coming

The time has come for me to seriously start figuring out where I'm going to go in July and what I'm going to do.
And I still have no idea. Sunday I started thinking about maybe sticking with the moving to IL thing. I could just move back to Hartford and fix up the little apartment. That way I'm not paying rent and can make a bigger dent in the credit cards. And, of course, I'd be closer to family. I don't like missing out on all the little family stuff. I want to see them more than twice a year.
But then, it's also still Illinois. I'm still not too crazy about that place even if I do love being near St. Louis. St. Louis. . .just yesterday I found out there's a history museum in Forest Park. I had no idea! The Zoo. . .the Science Center. . .West County Mall. . .the Galleria. . .The Arch. . .and of course, the St. Louis Cardinals. There's definitely a lot of perks, even if it's not necessarily as cool as Denver, it's still pretty damn awesome.

One thing, though, that makes me hesitate is where I want to go to graduate school. If I want to go to University of Colorado (which I keep going back to) I need to be a Colorado resident. By the time I get the cards paid off and can go back to school I will be a resident. I can't move to IL only to move back to CO for school and pay nonres. tuition. That would be ridiculous. And there's no where in IL or MO I'd want to go to school. Well maybe Washington University or St. Louis University but those are expensive.

And when it comes to praying about it. . .I'm trying. I'm pleading with God for some kind of guidance because I really don't know what to do. Know what I keep getting? Silence. Ok not always. I think I'm getting a lot of "BE PATIENT." And something to the affect of "Do you really think I'm just going to leave you out in the cold with nothing?" "Do you really think I just wanted to play a trick on you?" Um. . .no. . .not really. Ok, I'll keep going, I'll keep trusting you ok? Sorry, God. . .

Another thing I'm trying to figure out is if I want to continue going to the church I'm going to. Guess what the sermon series is for the next 3 months? Just a wonderful topic. The M word. No, no, no, not that M word. The other one: marriage. I about freaked when I saw the bulletin about it on Sunday. I was just like "holy shit, you've got to be kidding me." I don't want to sit through 3 months of sermons on marriage! But then maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea since I really don't know what I think of the whole marriage thing and need some assistance forming my opinion. I hate to completely stop going to church but seriously, I think it's just going to be a form of torture. And I really don't want to try to find somewhere else to go just for the 3 months I'm still here. Oh well. . .

For now, I'll continue on with what I'm doing. I'll start seriously trying to figure out where I should go and start trying to find a job and a place to live. Wherever I go, I hope this is the last big move for awhile. I want to feel settled somewhere at least for a little bit.