My ragamuffiness

So first of all, sometime last summer Dave took me to this deli place where I had an AMAZING turkey sandwich with cream cheese, sprouts, and avocado and a few months ago I tried finding it but couldn't remember where it was. I swear it's somewhere near my apartment but I couldn't find it. Tonight though, I found it! Or at least one of the like three that are in town. So I got my amazing sandwich, an amazing chocolate cookie, AND a Jones soda! It's been way too long since I've had a Jones.

Ok now on to what I've really been thinking about. I've had so much on my mind this week. After a topic that came up on a message board I got to thinking about being a ragamuffin. I don't necessarily immediately describe myself as a ragamuffin but really I think I am. If you don't know what a ragamuffin is, you should read The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I read it for the first time my sophomore year at Greenville and it made me really start to embrace (and believe in) the idea of grace. One of the first things he writes about is how Christians believe in grace in theory, but not really in practice. We don't really live it and embrace it. We want to sit in our comfy churches, doing all the things we think we should do. We still think we have to earn our salvation. I know there is nothing I can do to earn my salvation; it's already taken care of, but I still catch myself thinking that I should being doing more (or at this point just anything) so God will be happy with me. Agh!
I'm a ragamuffin. I don't fit into the tradition mold of mainstream American Christianity. I believe everyone is worthy of the love of Christ. As a human I am not perfect and never will be. I can be compassionate and caring one moment, then selfish and self-absorbed the next. I will drive down the road and yell at people who are driving stupidly. Then feel bad. I will wait on someone at the cable company who is dirty and a little (or a lot) smelly and want to wrinkle my nose. But then I actually look at them and they're nice and smile and say "have a good day," then I will realize that even the dirty, smelly ones are people and they deserve love. Even the mean ones (although it's harder to think that about them).
I think God shows up in songs and movies that others don't realize. He's all over the place. He's not just in our comfy churches. He's in the Nickelback song that says "amen, I'm alive." He's in Rent and Little Miss Sunshine. He's in the John Mayer song "Gravity." I love when he shows up in places that people wouldn't think about. Believe it or not he even shows up every once in awhile in Sex & the City.
I know I am beautiful and I am strong. But I am also scared and weak at times. And that's ok. I can be totally content when I am alone but I still get lonely. Sometimes I'm way too hard on myself. I take joy in things in nature and things made by man, like art. I still want to go back to school and have a career but I also want a family, a house, and a garden so I can grow my own veggies like green beans and tomatoes.
Like every other human being, I am broken and not perfect. I don't want to ever pretend I am. I never want to look more to other people or to a church more than I look to God. I want to embrace and live by grace.
Here's to being a ragamuffin.