Ok so I was doing fine until I tried to go to bed. Then I realized that today is the first time in just under 5 months that I haven't talked to him. Now the tears won't stop. Only 5 months. That's it. It only took 5 months for this to start, flourish, and fall apart.
I hate that I haven't heard his voice or seen his name on my buddy list today. I hate that I have no idea how his day went. I wish I could call him to say hi and see how he is today. But I can't. I'm afraid to. Even though I'm sure he's asleep by now what if he isn't? What if he answers and he sounds annoyed that it's me on the other end?
I keep remembering all the things we did together and the things we wanted to but never got to. I never got to dance with him again. I never got to go to a baseball game with him. I never got to go for walk with him after I got here. I never got to read to him like he said I could. I miss his arms around me and the look he had when he seemed so in love with me. I saw that look one time in the last. . .I don't know maybe 3 weeks, almost a week ago.
I miss him so much. The one person I want to talk to, be near, and cry on the shoulder of is the one person I can't.
Ok I'll try to go to bed now. I guess I should just get used to crying myself to sleep. I'm sure it'll be a normal thing for awhile.
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1 comment:
Let it out for as long as it takes. Mending broken hearts will not be an overnight job.
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