I didn't expect this

Yesterday I talked to Dave. He probably won't read this anymore which maybe isn't a bad thing. Something I wrote again made him upset. I still don't really understand why. I know he doesn't think I hate him...and I know he is upset about this. I also don't understand why he has talked to me the way he did. He sounded so angry and just like he couldn't stand me. I never meant anything that I've wrote to be hurtful or against him in anyway.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this. I feel like there's some things we should talk about. I told him that but. . .he hasn't responded. I told him that I would stop bothering him. It just hurts so much to think that he would ignore me especially after he has said things that makes me believe he still wants to be my friend. I guess maybe I just overthink everything. So I'll just chill. . .leave it alone. Leave him alone until he's ready to talk.

It's just so hard to love someone so much and be so afraid to talk to them.

I feel like I'm doing better. Work has been good the last few days. I actually like working there I just don't make enough money. Tonight I went to the movies and saw Little Miss Sunshine. It was a movie at the Sundance Film Festival last year. It's wonderful! I highly recommend it! It's hilarious, off-the-wall, touching, and just great.

I know I'll be ok. I am still trying to figure all this out. Figure out what my life is now. I told my mom to stop telling me that she is sure we'll end up together. I can't think like that. Whatever promise she feels God has made to her, the same one hasn't been made to me. If it doesn't happen and I sat here believing it then it would just hurt so much more.

It sucks to know that it's not normal to talk to someone that you talked to everyday over the last few months. It's hard to think that anyone else could be as perfect for me than him. It's hard to not want to just always keep the picture of us on my desktop. I took it off but put it back on . . . I guess that's weird huh? I'm just not ready to get rid of it yet.

Tonight he got online and off real fast. .. it's hard not to think it was because he didn't want to have to talk to me. Especially when it says on myspace that he's online. But like I said I'm just going to leave him alone. If he wants to talk to me, then ok that will be fine. If not, then I am not going to bother him. I'll continue to pray for him and hope he's doing ok.

That's another thing I never got to do with him. Pray with him. We never once prayed together. I thought about that a week or so ago and decided I wanted to the next chance I got. . .I just never got another chance.

I miss my friend.