Mexican food & margaritas

I have the tendency to want to make all my feelings public except to the person that it probably matters the most. I posted something yesterday but deleted b/c it ended up being more hurtful to Dave than I had intended (not necessarily what I wrote but the fact I was so willing to be public about it). Interestingly enough he ended up reading it before I could delete it anyway. Unlike he keeps saying I don't hate him. I can't even if I wanted to. He didn't do anything to hurt me except realize he wasn't ready for a relationship. We both had been so excited and so sure that the fact that we've broken up is hurting both of us.

Wednesday I was devastated and wallowing. Yesterday I was pissed. I was angry. Today has been a little better. There were a few times while driving back from the airport I almost started crying but later, especially after finding out I was still being considered for the job I interviewed for, I started feeling better. If I find a good enough job it would be easier for me to stay here. I still want to go somewhere for at least a few days. I wish I could go visit Val but I guess if I couldn't then I could go to Illinois.

So I knew eventually I'd go to the liquor store and get something to drink. I haven't drank since I've been here. I wanted to wait until I wasn't crying as much though. So, since today was a better day, tonight was mexican food & margarita night. So far I've had a couple of shots and just one margarita. And it's only like 5:30! I'll slow down and have another drink later. Good thing I don't have to be at work until 3 tomorrow! I'm also enjoying a movie, Grease. I wish I could be in a musical. If I was in Grease I'd want to be Rizzo cause she's so different than I am. Playing Sandy would be too easy. Ok so maybe given the fact that I've downed two tequila shots so far I'm not that different than Rizzo. HA! ;)

Tonight his radio station was hosting a Chris Rice concert before the AA baseball team's game. I had actually been looking forward to it all summer since I heard about it. I like Chris Rice. I'm a little sad that I have to miss out on it. Even if he said I still could come I'm not sure I would want to. I'd be there alone and I don't know how I'd handle seeing him. I talked to him yesterday and that was hard enough.

I miss him.