My life as it is now

The last few weeks I've had the urge to try new recipes. I'm so sick of all the same food I've been eating. I keep saving recipes from the food network that hopefully I'll get to try sometime. And now I'm watching the food network and Emeril is making soups including a broccoli and cheese one that sounds good. . .I'll have to try it. I am also wanting to try to make something with asparagus and artichokes.

I was thinking last night about how I guess it's just hard for me to live my life when I feel like there's nothing to it. When it comes right down to it, I'm not really happy about my life and that's just hard to deal with for me. I'm not really working towards anything and any goals I have or future plans seem so far off. . .And even trying to tell myself my life will not always be like this, things could be a lot worse, and I will not always be stuck in Wichita, sometimes it doesn't help to make me feel better. I figured it up. . .only 15 more weeks until I can leave. I have to figure out how to make it a little better because I can't stand the way things are now. I want things to change, even if it's just being able to be just a little (and even a tad) more content here. Somehow things have to be different. I'm still not sure how to make that happen. I think one thing that is making it so hard is the job situation. On one hand, having two jobs isn't too bad and it feels good to be able to pay all of my bills without having to go to the parents for money. On the other hand, I absolutely hate it. I don't have time to get things done, I'm constantly going out to eat because I don't have time to cook, and I'm always tired. But right now it's necessary. I really hope I can find something in Denver that pays enough so I don't have to continue the two job thing. But if I have to, I will.

God calmed me down a lot last night. I'm still just. . .blah about the whole faith thing, but he calmed me down when I needed it. I just get impatient I guess. I guess everyone does from time to time. I guess maybe it's hard because I don't feel like my life has much purpose right now. I'm not really living for anything. I'm not sure what to do with my life as it is right now. Oh well. if anything I'll continue working, pay my bills, and try to save up some money to move. In another month or so I can start trying to figure out stuff about the move and then it'll hopefully start to feel more real and something to look forward to. There really are a lot of cute places I've been looking at. And hopefully I'll find people to live with.

I'll keep going.