tired

I left the hotel at 12:30 last night. I woke up one minute before my alarm went off then hit the snooze for about 30 minutes before I actually got up. Ok maybe 40. I'm tired.

It's times like these that I wish I could find one job that paid enough but then again, working two jobs occupies my time which is good. And I only have four more months (!) of living here and I'm more and more convinced I don't want to stay here (although the other day I had to give up some control and tell God that if for some reason he wants me to stay here I will followed by a "i really hope I don't have to though"). I'm hoping I'm going to be able to start putting some money aside to help me cover the cost of moving. I keep looking at apartments in Denver and Lakewood. I think I may just try to find a place near to where I lived before. It's close to everything I want to be close to. Including TOTT! Oh man, last weekend all I could think about was wanting chinese food. I finally got some at the grocery store but nothing compares to TOTT.

I can't believe everything that has happened this year. Sometimes I think about it and I'm still just like "what the. . .?" Last year at this time he was no part of my life. I was concentrating on school and just living. It's still kinda funny how I ended up finding him. I had a dream about someone else that I hadn't seen in years and then tried looking him up on the internet. I had heard of good old myspace but thought it was a little ridiculous. Then I just decided to sign up. After finding a few other people, I thought of DC and was then amazed to actually find him. Even after our initial phone call to catch up I never thought we'd continue talking. But, alas, we did. Sure we had fun. It was good getting to know him. I'm not sorry for that. I must admit, though, I do wish I hadn't thought that I wanted it to be more. We would've been fine just staying friends. Sure after awhile we would've gotten to the point where we weren't talking as much but at least I would've been able to send a Christmas card and even send the kids birthday cards. Oh well. I do still miss having someone to talk to though. It was cool having someone that I looked forward to talking to. Hopefully this will make me be more careful and not rush into anything.

But you know, I love that I know that I really am ok and a lot better off now. I feel good that I'm doing what I need to do to get bills paid and stuff. And I feel good that I know even more now that I can be me. I don't have to hide the fact that I'm not perfect and I'm still figuring some stuff out. I don't have to apologize for that. I don't know why so much of the time I think I have to.

Ok back to work.