Rain

After a week or so of a lot of cloudy days and not too much rain, last night it let loose. I woke up this morning to the sound of pouring rain. I like rain. And somewhere, I know I have an umberella. But I have no idea where it is. Oh well, I don't like umberellas anyway. Too much hassle. I don't mind getting a little wet.

Anyway, my mind is racing. Something I read on a message board started making me think about connecting with people. And my lack of connection with anyone right now. Lately, the only people I feel like I have connected with are my parents. I'm thankful for that but at the same time it's difficult sometimes because I think we're both figuring out how to relate to each other. They've been so supportive of me but I think there's a part of them that is not sure how to relate to my brother and I because our lives are so much different than what my sister's was at our age. It's a different dynamic. I'm so thankful for them though. It's harder and harder to try to talk to my sister. Or any other friends who live far away. Everyone is so busy with their lives and it's hard to make time which stinks. Sometimes it's frustrating that the only way you know what's going on with anyone is by reading one of these. Connecting really is hard and sometimes when you feel like you actually do connect with someone there's that possibility of the connection gettnig all screwed up. As much as you do want to be able to connect with someone it's scary because there's always that chance of getting hurt. So, rather than taking that chance, it's easier to just shy away from it.

Then I think about connecting with God. This blog made me think of different ways to worship and connect. Which is another reason it's hard for me to talk to my parents sometimes about the whole faith thing. Mom is constantly telling me to rely on God and reach out to him and it's getting old. I admit it, I roll my eyes most of the time. It's become such a cliche to me. And she's convinced if I listen to Joyce Meyer my life will be changed forever. The thought of that makes me gag. There's such a gap between what I believe and the things I was taught and was around growing up and I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate it all. It's frustrating sometimes. I feel like I don't know how to navigate it and have no idea what to do to figure out how.
And it's hard trying to figure it out especially when there's not much time to do so. Any night I have off work, the time has to be used very carefully. Besides making my dinner Friday, I HAVE to clean. It's driving me nuts not having time to clean my apartment.

Another thing I've been reminded of is how many people are actually going through a lot. Everyone's life has something going on. Ok, ok, I know this is an obvious statement but it's true and so much of the time I'm so concerned with my life I forget about other people's. A lot of the time I do care other times I don't. I admit it. I'm human and I definitely can be selfish, whether I like it or not.

I want to feel like I belong somewhere. I want. . . .well, it doesn't matter right now. I guess right now I just need to live life right now and try not to worry too much about anything else.