So many thoughts

I have so many thoughts running around in my head that I don't know how to get them all out. And unfortunately my internet access is sketchy. . .today I'm at Panera (it's right down the road, score!!!!) but I can't come here too often or I will have no money.

Ok so the basics: I'm working at the hotel and the last two days have been the main shuttle van driver during my shift which means I get tips! Woohoo! I averaged about $20 a day the last two days. Woohoo! That means I have money for a few necessities and some bills as well.

I have an interview tomorrow at a dental insurance company. It's a sales assistant (mostly all administrative work) position and I'd get the kind of money I need which would be GREAT. So we'll see about that. Even though the hotel hasn't been that bad it doesn't pay enough and I'd love to avoid having to get two jobs.

Working has helped me feel better about being here. I didn't feel like myself (Dave definitely noticed) and just felt uneasy about everything. And I was being super clingy and needy because I don't really have my own life here yet. But, now, I'm feeling more settled and gaining back my independence. I'm not going to be hanging out at Dave's as much anymore. It was getting hard on both of us because on one hand we were really comfortable but at the same time our relationship is new enough we were missing out on dating each other and continuing to let our relationship grow.
It's hard though, because neither of us know how really! Neither of us have had too much experience with actually dating someone and having a good healthy relationship. So we're going to try not seeing each other as much which will mean we have to be diligent about making plans to get together and just enjoy dating one another instead of playing house.

And even though I'm ok with Dave's kids, I was starting to realize how much time it's going to take me for me to actually be ok with being a mom right away. I have a lot to learn. They're great kids. . .they surprise me a lot. Jonathan is adorable and as much as Dave probably hates that I do, I love picking him up and giving him a big hug or carrying him somewhere. It's hard to resist his big adorable eyes looking up and saying "I want you." A few days ago, Josh and I pretended we were laying underneath the stars and saw shooting stars and made wishes. Every couple of wishes, the wish would be for a hug or kiss, which the other would happily oblige. Katie has come over to my apartment to spend the night and we just have fun watching movies and getting away from the crazy boys and having girl time. And Caleb. . .well. . .he really is a great kid but life has dealt him a lot of crap early on that he'll be dealing with for a long time. Every once in awhile he'll surprise me and give me a hug.

I think no matter what happens, I'll be happy here. I'm glad I moved and have this chance.

I even like the AG church Dave goes to. It's not too bad. Sometimes on the verge of being too charasmatic for my taste but I like the pastor's sermons and I've met some people that I think I'd like to hang out with. In fact I get to go play tennis with Dave and another girl from church tonight.

Which means I must go now.

Write more soon.