Rejection

Well, I got my rejection letter for the physician's assistant program. I was not surprised...still disappointed but not surprised. I knew after the interview that I didn't do well. I knew it.

So now I get to go through another year and a half of working 60 hours a week at two jobs that I don't like. I don't know if I can really do that. I may try to take a med aide class in the summer; I really don't think I can handle being a CNA any longer than I have to.

It looks like M will probably get out soon. His father got him an excellent lawyer and a few people here wrote letters to the judge about him. I've heard from him several times. He's doing fairly well.

I have to admit...the only thing I can think of is Arizona. And really hoping he gets out. That way we'll actually be able to talk to each other. There is a PA program at a school near Phoenix. I've already looked at it. How crazy am I? I mean. . .you'd think I would have learned my lesson the first time I liked a guy in another state. What's wrong with me? I'm crazy. I know.

Ok I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to stay here in good old Wichita until I rot. Ok, no, but longer than I want. I am so tired of it here. I continue to feel stuck here. This is not supposed to be home! This is not supposed to be where I'm supposed to be, damn it!

I'll be fine, I know I will be. I will apply to PA programs for next year and hopefully get into one. Mateo and I will be friends and if it's supposed to be anything more, then somehow it'll work out. Most likely it won't be anything more but I know it'll be good to be friends. He needs good friends.