I got an A on my organic chemistry test!!!!!!! I really did!!!!! I was so excited.
My field trips were fun.
Tonight I am going out to dinner with a few other Bio majors and hte Provost of the university to discuss some things having to do with the science dept. There are some major improvements that need to be made. We need more professors, better labs, and more encouragement. Also a woman who is an MD and also a lawyer is going to be there for us to talk to and give us some advice. It should be fun! And the provost is paying! ;)
So apparently a student got attacked a few weeks ago. Almost no one knew about it. I was outraged. This is the kind of thing we should know about! I wrote an e-mail to the pres and his cabinet about how I was extremely upset of how the situation was handled. I think it makes people more fearful if they don't know what's going on.
Should be a good night! And this weekend I have a lot of homework to do! yayayyay!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
Wine and dine
One of the women I live with spent some time in the Peace Corps and lived in Morocco. So, on Saturday she made Moroccan food and invited a bunch of people over.
At first I was like "oh great a bunch of people! ahhh!" But then people brought wine. . .we had 3 bottles and some sangria. And between about 10 people we drank it all. I guess that's not a huge deal. It was fun though. I didn't know any of the people but we all just talked and laughed.
I also went to a wedding this weekend. A friend I used to work with got married. It was fun until the dancing started. i like dancing but not in front of anyone. I dance in my living room when no one's home. I did today. I got home and danced around the house. It was fun. The wedding reminded me that I do want a relationship someday but I know I need to wait until I am ready and wait for the right person. I do admit, I wish it would be soon! :)
I get to go on two field trips tomorrow. Yes that's right, field trips. :) One to the Celestial Seasonings factory in Boulder and then one to an observatory. It should be fun.
I have so much schoolwork to do and catch up on. Ick! But I'll get it done somehow. I just need to sit down and do everything.
At first I was like "oh great a bunch of people! ahhh!" But then people brought wine. . .we had 3 bottles and some sangria. And between about 10 people we drank it all. I guess that's not a huge deal. It was fun though. I didn't know any of the people but we all just talked and laughed.
I also went to a wedding this weekend. A friend I used to work with got married. It was fun until the dancing started. i like dancing but not in front of anyone. I dance in my living room when no one's home. I did today. I got home and danced around the house. It was fun. The wedding reminded me that I do want a relationship someday but I know I need to wait until I am ready and wait for the right person. I do admit, I wish it would be soon! :)
I get to go on two field trips tomorrow. Yes that's right, field trips. :) One to the Celestial Seasonings factory in Boulder and then one to an observatory. It should be fun.
I have so much schoolwork to do and catch up on. Ick! But I'll get it done somehow. I just need to sit down and do everything.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
GRRRRRRRRRRRR
No world series for the cardinals this year.
They always mess up. They do so well and then they mess up.
They always mess up. They do so well and then they mess up.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
not until the playoffs
As it says in the little "about me" section I love the St. Louis Cardinals. I really do. I never watch games though until the playoffs. Which I completely spaced on. until tonight! It's the NCLS and the Cards beat the Astros in game 1. Game 2 is tonight. bottom of the 3rd, Astros up 1-0.
The Cardinals deserve to win! It's their year! It has to be! What better way to close out the last season at Busch Stadium (which, btw, I'm still pissed about. I never got to go to a game this season) than winning the World Series? the stupid Red Sox had their moment now it's the Cardinals turn.
man, if they get into the World Series, I think I'd do just about anything to go to a game. How absolutely awesome would that be?
The Cardinals deserve to win! It's their year! It has to be! What better way to close out the last season at Busch Stadium (which, btw, I'm still pissed about. I never got to go to a game this season) than winning the World Series? the stupid Red Sox had their moment now it's the Cardinals turn.
man, if they get into the World Series, I think I'd do just about anything to go to a game. How absolutely awesome would that be?
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Undesirable
So the last few days a little part of me has been thinking about the fact that I just feel totally undesirable. I try not to worry about the fact that I don't have a boyfriend or any male friends around at all but sometimes it's hard. I haven't had a guy interested in me in about 4 years now. And it took me about lets see 3 of those years to get over that guy. I guess 4 years isn't a lot but. . .it feels like it. I'm going to be 25 soon. My closest friends are all married and finding the right guy is like the number 1 thing I want.
I am trying to focus on school. . .right now, it's my top priority and really I'm so busy I wouldn't have time for that kind of relationship. But I can't help but wish there was something going on in that department.
Like I said I try not to think about this. I try to be happy being single. But sometimes it's just hard. Am I really that bad? Around here I feel like the fattest, ugliest girl around. I'm surrounded by all these cute little blonde girls that all the guys flock too. It's sickening. Also, I really am surrounded by boys here. I'm an old woman around here. (apparently i don't look it. no one believes how old I am)
What's funny is I couldn't stand being around my roommates last year because they always said things like this. Another funny thing is I live with a 35 year old single woman who is so content being single it makes me sick. Around her I just feel like the stupid, fickle little girl.
Ok done now. I'll get back to being obsessed about organic chemistry.
I am trying to focus on school. . .right now, it's my top priority and really I'm so busy I wouldn't have time for that kind of relationship. But I can't help but wish there was something going on in that department.
Like I said I try not to think about this. I try to be happy being single. But sometimes it's just hard. Am I really that bad? Around here I feel like the fattest, ugliest girl around. I'm surrounded by all these cute little blonde girls that all the guys flock too. It's sickening. Also, I really am surrounded by boys here. I'm an old woman around here. (apparently i don't look it. no one believes how old I am)
What's funny is I couldn't stand being around my roommates last year because they always said things like this. Another funny thing is I live with a 35 year old single woman who is so content being single it makes me sick. Around her I just feel like the stupid, fickle little girl.
Ok done now. I'll get back to being obsessed about organic chemistry.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
A little better
Well my week started off kinda crappy but the last few days haven't been as bad. My classes today went smoothly and I feel a little more together. Together enough to be able to work on the homework I have this weekend. And I am determined to go out and have some fun this weekend even if it's just out to dinner. Or maybe I'll go see a movie. I was thinking of going hiking as well. I can't do all that though. Organic chemistry beckons!
I got to thinking again this week about how I still want to be a doctor. I just HAVE to push through the things that I feel hold me back and just do it. I have to believe I can do it.
Last night my roommate made a good observation. I was in my room listening to some music and I was singing along. My roommate said "you're not crying, so that's good." She's right! I could be in my room crying because i think my life sucks but instead I was jamming to some music and relieving some tension. It got me to a place where I can relax.
I have to start doing research for a paper I have to write. My topic is how Christians should respond to initiatives to legalize same-sex marriage. It's going to be difficult. But, there is definitely a lot of info out there! I got excited about it this afternoon after receiving the latest issue of Time. The cover story is about adolescent homosexuals. i started talking to my roommates about it. Here is what I'm thinking: If Christians are going to be so concerned with making sure gays can't get married because it's a supposedly "unhealthy" and "unnatural" relationship, then they need to look at the fact that the divorce rate among Christans is almost the same as among non-Christians. There is something wrong with how Christians view relationships and how churches are dealing with it. I don't necessarily think that same-sex marriage is what God intended for marriage but I also don't think God intended for heterosexual marriages to be abusive and messed up as a lot of them are these days. It's not about homo vs. hetero marriage. . .it's deeper than that. It's about the individual person and their sexuality and. . . .their humanness.
You also have to consider the definition of marriage. What is it? I don't really know. I see the marriages around me: my parents, my sister, and some of my friends. Is marriage just a human institution that is proved by a marriage certificate? Or is it something else? Is it a spiritual union that mirrors God's desired relationship with humans? Or what?
What is happening that people do not have healthy relationships? I know in my Christian upbringing I was never taught how to relate to men. I was told to not have sex. Big deal. What about everything else? I also wasn't taught to stand up for myself; I thought I always had to play the part of the submissive female.
There are so many parts of this. You have to look at the definition of marriage, how much Christians should get involved in public policy (how far do you go before it violates the 1st amendment), and how much freedom should be entitled to people.
It's difficult to determine. Although legally our nation isn't a Christian nation (as in it's our official religion), there is so much Christian influence because it's such a huge part of our history.
Are Christians demanding so much freedom for themselves that they forget our nation provides everyone should have those same freedoms?
Ok I could go on forever. I need to go to bed.
I got to thinking again this week about how I still want to be a doctor. I just HAVE to push through the things that I feel hold me back and just do it. I have to believe I can do it.
Last night my roommate made a good observation. I was in my room listening to some music and I was singing along. My roommate said "you're not crying, so that's good." She's right! I could be in my room crying because i think my life sucks but instead I was jamming to some music and relieving some tension. It got me to a place where I can relax.
I have to start doing research for a paper I have to write. My topic is how Christians should respond to initiatives to legalize same-sex marriage. It's going to be difficult. But, there is definitely a lot of info out there! I got excited about it this afternoon after receiving the latest issue of Time. The cover story is about adolescent homosexuals. i started talking to my roommates about it. Here is what I'm thinking: If Christians are going to be so concerned with making sure gays can't get married because it's a supposedly "unhealthy" and "unnatural" relationship, then they need to look at the fact that the divorce rate among Christans is almost the same as among non-Christians. There is something wrong with how Christians view relationships and how churches are dealing with it. I don't necessarily think that same-sex marriage is what God intended for marriage but I also don't think God intended for heterosexual marriages to be abusive and messed up as a lot of them are these days. It's not about homo vs. hetero marriage. . .it's deeper than that. It's about the individual person and their sexuality and. . . .their humanness.
You also have to consider the definition of marriage. What is it? I don't really know. I see the marriages around me: my parents, my sister, and some of my friends. Is marriage just a human institution that is proved by a marriage certificate? Or is it something else? Is it a spiritual union that mirrors God's desired relationship with humans? Or what?
What is happening that people do not have healthy relationships? I know in my Christian upbringing I was never taught how to relate to men. I was told to not have sex. Big deal. What about everything else? I also wasn't taught to stand up for myself; I thought I always had to play the part of the submissive female.
There are so many parts of this. You have to look at the definition of marriage, how much Christians should get involved in public policy (how far do you go before it violates the 1st amendment), and how much freedom should be entitled to people.
It's difficult to determine. Although legally our nation isn't a Christian nation (as in it's our official religion), there is so much Christian influence because it's such a huge part of our history.
Are Christians demanding so much freedom for themselves that they forget our nation provides everyone should have those same freedoms?
Ok I could go on forever. I need to go to bed.
Monday, October 03, 2005
What am I doing?
So again I am asking myself what am I doing? More like what the f*&% am I doing? I started this school year being very motivated and excited about the classes I was taking. And little by little it has all fallen apart. And it's only been a little over a month! I have two full months left.
I didn't do very well on my physics test. It made me really mad. I know I didn't study as well as I needed to for it but the test itself was actually very simple. I don't like the way the points were assigned. There were 20 questions, each worth 5 points. Doesn't sound too bad right? Except that half the problems were true/false. So one true/false question was worth the same amount of points as a problem you had to work out. I just don't like that. If you miss too many t/f questions you're already screwed and there's still half the test left.
I just feel like. . . I can never do anything good enough. There is always something keeping me back from doing as well as I know I can. But it's like I'm just not willing to do it. But I want to. I want to be able to study and do really well in my classes. I want this education I'm getting to actually allow me to do something good with my life. This weekend when I volunteered at the hospital it made me say "yes, I want to do this." But so much is dependent on my grades that I don't think I'll be able to.
Why can't I focus? Why can't I manage to do the things I know I need to so I can be successful? Is this God trying to tell me I shouldn't be going into the medical field? Or is it just the same things that have plagued me since I was young that are going to get in my way no matter what I try to do? Are things from my childhood (always being "smarter" than the school required me to be, so I didn't have to try hard, never establishing good study habits, etc) always going to plague me?
What do I do? I want to finish this last year of school as strong as possible, med school or not. How can I change my behavior and my mindset?
I let things like this test grade get me down so much, it turns into a slippery slope (i did horrible on the test so I'll do horrible in the class and I'll never get into med school or anything else).
I hate thinking like that. I hate thinking my life is meaningless. I hate thinking that I don't want to live my life if it's always going to be this hard. I hate thinking that I am not good enough.
I didn't do very well on my physics test. It made me really mad. I know I didn't study as well as I needed to for it but the test itself was actually very simple. I don't like the way the points were assigned. There were 20 questions, each worth 5 points. Doesn't sound too bad right? Except that half the problems were true/false. So one true/false question was worth the same amount of points as a problem you had to work out. I just don't like that. If you miss too many t/f questions you're already screwed and there's still half the test left.
I just feel like. . . I can never do anything good enough. There is always something keeping me back from doing as well as I know I can. But it's like I'm just not willing to do it. But I want to. I want to be able to study and do really well in my classes. I want this education I'm getting to actually allow me to do something good with my life. This weekend when I volunteered at the hospital it made me say "yes, I want to do this." But so much is dependent on my grades that I don't think I'll be able to.
Why can't I focus? Why can't I manage to do the things I know I need to so I can be successful? Is this God trying to tell me I shouldn't be going into the medical field? Or is it just the same things that have plagued me since I was young that are going to get in my way no matter what I try to do? Are things from my childhood (always being "smarter" than the school required me to be, so I didn't have to try hard, never establishing good study habits, etc) always going to plague me?
What do I do? I want to finish this last year of school as strong as possible, med school or not. How can I change my behavior and my mindset?
I let things like this test grade get me down so much, it turns into a slippery slope (i did horrible on the test so I'll do horrible in the class and I'll never get into med school or anything else).
I hate thinking like that. I hate thinking my life is meaningless. I hate thinking that I don't want to live my life if it's always going to be this hard. I hate thinking that I am not good enough.
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