I just registered for Physics II. That's right. . .Physics. . .
I don't need Physics for the physician's assistant program. However, it is a requirement for medical school.
I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop wishing I could become a doctor. It seems too lofty, too risky, too big of a dream. . .but I can't stop thinking about it. If I wind up getting into the PA program, I will probably drop it but at least I'm signed up if I don't.
I may quite possibly be crazy. I will have to take the MCAT, of course, and apply to the Early Decision Program by July 1. I want to try to do that because I've heard there's a fairly high acceptance rate if you do (at least, at KU).
Who knows, I could end up staying in Physics, but take the MCAT and do horribly and not even mess with applying.
Everytime I start thinking about it, I talk myself out of it. . . takes too much time, too expensive, crazy work hours. . .but then a few weeks later I'm back to thinking, "I want to be a doctor."
We'll see.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I have really tried to keep a positive outlook about my life as it is right now. I know I am blessed; I have everything I need. I know I am working towards what I want to do with my life.
But tonight it's hard.
I can't stop thinking that I'm almost 28 and I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm getting nowhere. The things I have wanted the most in my life haven't happened and it can be really hard to deal with. I feel like I should have accomplished more by now. I'm surrounded by people who are married or getting married and having kids and it's really really hard. I'm surrounded by people younger than me who are getting started in their careers (or fairly well-established in them actually) and I feel like because of stupid decisions I've wasted the last 2 or 3 years instead of getting on with what it is I want to do. I hate it. And I hate that I have been feeling like this. I know it's just from being tired and busy which is making me stressed.
I want to just be able to enjoy this part of my life, knowing that I am working towards what I want to do and trust that it's ok that I am where I am in my life. I know things could be a lot worse and I know that I took the steps I needed to go through the CNA class, apply to the PA program and I felt like I was ready. I felt like it was finally the right time. I could know as soon as December (if I don't get an interview) or in February about if I get in.
Like I said, I usually have had a pretty good attitude about everything, taking the being tired and stressed better sometimes than others, but the last few days it's been more difficult.
But tonight it's hard.
I can't stop thinking that I'm almost 28 and I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm getting nowhere. The things I have wanted the most in my life haven't happened and it can be really hard to deal with. I feel like I should have accomplished more by now. I'm surrounded by people who are married or getting married and having kids and it's really really hard. I'm surrounded by people younger than me who are getting started in their careers (or fairly well-established in them actually) and I feel like because of stupid decisions I've wasted the last 2 or 3 years instead of getting on with what it is I want to do. I hate it. And I hate that I have been feeling like this. I know it's just from being tired and busy which is making me stressed.
I want to just be able to enjoy this part of my life, knowing that I am working towards what I want to do and trust that it's ok that I am where I am in my life. I know things could be a lot worse and I know that I took the steps I needed to go through the CNA class, apply to the PA program and I felt like I was ready. I felt like it was finally the right time. I could know as soon as December (if I don't get an interview) or in February about if I get in.
Like I said, I usually have had a pretty good attitude about everything, taking the being tired and stressed better sometimes than others, but the last few days it's been more difficult.
Friday, November 14, 2008
What was I thinking? What was I thinking to work 60 hours a week and take two classes? Hmm? What? Seriously what was I thinking?
I'm exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Today (Friday), I slept through class, called in sick at the conference office and slept until 12:30 pm. Yes that would be 30 minutes after NOON. I went to bed at like 11:30.
This week I had a test that I barely studied for and I know I did horribly. My only encouragement is that I aced the first two and there's one more left that as long as I do well, I can still easily pull off an A.
I don't feel like I have time to breathe or even do the simplest of tasks like cleaning my room. And unfortunately I know that the free time I do have I basically waste. And I've been shopping which is never a good thing because I always start thinking that my wardrobe is horrible, I need new clothes, or there's just one more "basic" item I need. I'm going to make myself take a break from the mall.
The nursing home is hard. I don't know how I'll be able to keep it up. The only encouragement there is that next semester I should be able to work a more normal schedule and only work every other weekend. I hope. If for whatever reason I can't, I will either need to switch units or go somewhere else. That would suck though, I'd miss my residents! It was hard enough getting into the groove there, I don't want to have to try again.
Anyway, for the most part I'm ok, I am just working a lot and I'm tired which is making me more frustrated with life in general but really I know things will be ok. I decided that if I don't get into the PA program (which I probably won't) then I'm going to go through a med aide class so I can pass meds and not have to do the CNA thing so long.
I'm exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Today (Friday), I slept through class, called in sick at the conference office and slept until 12:30 pm. Yes that would be 30 minutes after NOON. I went to bed at like 11:30.
This week I had a test that I barely studied for and I know I did horribly. My only encouragement is that I aced the first two and there's one more left that as long as I do well, I can still easily pull off an A.
I don't feel like I have time to breathe or even do the simplest of tasks like cleaning my room. And unfortunately I know that the free time I do have I basically waste. And I've been shopping which is never a good thing because I always start thinking that my wardrobe is horrible, I need new clothes, or there's just one more "basic" item I need. I'm going to make myself take a break from the mall.
The nursing home is hard. I don't know how I'll be able to keep it up. The only encouragement there is that next semester I should be able to work a more normal schedule and only work every other weekend. I hope. If for whatever reason I can't, I will either need to switch units or go somewhere else. That would suck though, I'd miss my residents! It was hard enough getting into the groove there, I don't want to have to try again.
Anyway, for the most part I'm ok, I am just working a lot and I'm tired which is making me more frustrated with life in general but really I know things will be ok. I decided that if I don't get into the PA program (which I probably won't) then I'm going to go through a med aide class so I can pass meds and not have to do the CNA thing so long.
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