Sunday, August 28, 2005

All alone

Tonight is an all alone night. Even though my two roommates are here. And it's a night that I am reminded of how I so easy let everyone walk all over me. And a night that I figure that the world would be wonderful if I was just alone. Or not here at all.
Ok first of all, for those of you who know me, I know a lot about pop culture. I always read the magazines and watch entertainment tonight and shows on E!. I just think it's fun. Tonight I was watching the MTV Video Music Awards. They're pretty cool except they are overrun with rappers which I'm not into but there were going to be performances by bands I really liked. So I was watching up until 10 minutes ago when my roommates (who just sat down to eat dinner and hadn't been watching) said things like "isn't Gray's Anatomy on?" and "We need to watch this movie (bourne supremacy), can we?" Total disregard for the fact that I was watching something already. Enforcing the fact they weren't interested in watching what I was watching so they did what they could to get their way. So instead of saying "well I really want to watch this so I'd like to continue watching it" I just said go ahead (to the movie) and that I need to do some homework anyway. And now I am in here almost crying because I hate that I allow myself to do this. I mean really it's no big deal, MTV will show the awards show like 50 million times in the next few weeks anyway and there's a lot of stuff that usually goes on that I don't really like. But still why do I have to stop doing what I want in order to make everyone else happy? Why do I have to deny what I'm interested in so that other people get what they want? Why do I always have to feel like I'm unimportant and my interests are dumb and superficial? Yeah some of them are. I won't die if I can't watch the MTV VMAs but still the principle of it. . .it sucks. And I've always done this. I'm not someone who will pipe up and say "NO!" when I am being pushed out of the way.
I had hoped that I was going to change. I've always been like this. My interests, my needs, my wishes are unimportant. I can't have what I want. I have to deny myself of everything. That's what I've always felt. And if I try to stand up for myself I am considered a bitch and selfish, and rude, etc, etc, etc.

Green Day has a song called "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." One of the lines is: And I walk alone. I guess I just need to get used to that. Because I do. I walk alone.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

good old pat robertson

If you read my "100 things" list then you saw that one of them says that I hate how people like Pat Robertson give the rest of us Christians a bad name.

Case in point:

Pat Robertson said that we should go ahead and assassinate the president of Venezuela since he thinks we're trying to anyway. Of course he since has made a public apology (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9047102/) but the damage has been done. I have a really problem with that man and the liberties he takes.
Now I will be honest part of me wants to send him a hot-headed e-mail calling him, in the words of Spike in the movie "Notting Hill," a daft prick but the other part of me just wants to pray that God will make him more aware of what he is saying and doing.

This semester I'm taking a general education course that they make all seniors take, Integrative Seminar. The theme of my class is "The Faces of Jesus." The first day we looked at different pictures of how Jesus is portrayed in America including "mocks" of Jesus like in the movie Dogma, the Buddy Christ. And we were asked "do images like this of Jesus result because people want to make fun of Jesus?" Some people said yes. The way people view Jesus is often skewed because of images like the buddy Christ. But then someone said, it's not because of that. They view Jesus in this way because of their interactions with Christians. The professor (and me in my head) was like "EXACTLY!"
Now I'm sure I've done my part in discouraging someone to be a Christian. I still struggle with what I believe. The other day I was telling my roommate that I see the kind of Christian I want to be and the kind of Christian I don't want to be and I don't know how to get to (or away) from it.

But I will keep trying.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

The Whole Nine Yards

I'm watching that movie right now. I wanted to rent The Whole Ten Yards but Blockbuster didn't have it. I need to go get Fools Rush In too. If you are wondering what these movies have in common, here it is: They all have Matthew Perry in it. Who, for some reason, I am completely fascinated with lately. He's so adorable! Who cares that he's like 35. . .and has been in rehab a couple of times and crashed his Porsche into someone's home one time (that was awhile back). He's making two new movies right now. I can't wait! I can't get enough.

After Nine Yard, Charade starring Gary Grant and Audrey Hepburn is on. It's so good!!! If you've never seen it, it's the movie that Julia Roberts character in Pretty Woman is watching before the "piano" scene. It's wonderful.

I also have been pigging out today and not studying for my huge ass test that is on Wednesday!

Oh well

So here's to Dr. Pepper, popcorn, cheetos, Matthew Perry, Gary Grant, and the wonderful Audrey Hepburn! Yay, Saturday night!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Weak in the knees

Warning: extremely girly cheesy post to follow

The movie "head over heels" is really funny, silly but funny. In it the main female character gets weak in the knees about Freddie Prinze, Jr's character.
Well I hope that when I meet the man of my dreams I react to him the way that I reacted today to this amazingly gorgeous man that walked into the office today. All i said was hi to him. He was probably late 20s, early 30s, the the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. He had beautiful, striking blue eyes. . . .And I only saw him for a moment. I was in the back of the office and had no idea what he was doing there. But I was definitely weak in the knees. . .

:)

Ok the cheesiness is over now.

I will go back to contemplating the really important questions of life, like . . .will I actually wake up tomorrow so I can get Starbucks before work like I've been trying to all week?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

100 things about me

So my friend Val (www.ruminationsofordinary.blogspot.com) got this idea from another blogging friend of hers to list 100 things about her. So after reading 100 things about each of them I decided to go for it. :)

1. My name is Jodie
2. I am 24 years old
3. My birthday is on January 8
4. I am originally from Illinois
5. I do not have a hometown in IL
6. My dad is a minister
7. We moved every 4 to 5 years (which is why I don't have a hometown)
8. I have an older sister and a younger brother
9. My mom was a stay at home mom
10. My sister is married and has two adorable kids
11. My brother just graduated from college
12. I am in college right now
13. I graduate next May (finally)
14. I started college right out of high school, then after two years, I dropped out
15. After taking 2 years off I moved out to Colorado to go back to college
16. I am majoring in Biology
17. After graduation my preference of what I want to do is in this order: med school, pharmacy school, grad school, nursing
18. Although I want to go into medicine, I've always dreamed of being a recording artist
19. I like almost all kinds of music except rap
20. The only rap I do like is Will Smith
21. The high school I went to only had 100 people (it was public)
22. I played volleyball while in HS
23. I love the TV song "Friends"
24. I am watching reruns of Friends right now
25. I love the following shows on the WB: Gilmore Girls, Everwood, & One Tree Hill
26. I'm hooked on the edited-for-TBS version of Sex and the City
27. I love Coach handbags and accessories
28. My dream purse is a Louis Vuitton
29. I am a total girly-girl meaning I love clothes, shoes, handbags, makeup and InStyle magazine
30. I drive a Ford Ranger
31. My dream car is a BMW or Mercedes
32. My dream house is one in the mountains somewhere but still close to the city
33. My other dream house (or apartment rather) is in NYC
34. I've never been to NYC though
35. It's my number 1 dream US destination
36. There are so many places all over the world I want to go it would take more than the 64 spots on this list I have left
37. My favorite drink is mandarin orange Absolut vodka and Sprite with a slice of orange
38. I am a Christian
39. I feel like I am a horrible one most of the time
40. I want to learn how to surf
41. The best vacation I've had so far in my life was to North Carolina with two friends of mine
42. I want to learn how to ski
43. I have been to 28 states
44. I've only been to Arizona long enough to drive through the corner of it on the way to CA
45. My favorite movie is a tie between Singin In the Rain, American in Paris, and Anchors Aweigh all starring Gene Kelly
46. Oh! Meet Me in St. Louis is a part of the tie as well
47. Going to the movies is one of my favorite things
48. I like going to the movies by myself
49. I didn't want to see the first Lord of the Rings movie
50. My friends took me with them to see it
51. I absolutely loved it
52. I'm working at a title company right now
53. I have worked at a Wal-Mart portrait studio (it sucked)
54. After that, I worked at Dillard's
55. After that, I worked at a real estate company
56. This past spring I played a character in a play that was originally a man's part
57. More than anything I want to get married someday and have a family
58. I am completely single, I don't even have any single male friends
59. i'd love to be proposed to on a mountain
60. If I ever do get married my ceremony will probably be a combination of ideas from all my friends' weddings
61. The idea of eloping and getting married in Las Vegas is appealing
62. Not as appealing as having a church wedding
63. I don't like smoking
64. Sometimes I crave a cigarette so I smoke one
65. Then I remember I don't like it
66. I always finish the whole thing so I am not wasteful
67. The whole time I do this I think "why am I doing this? it's gross"
68. I was on a ministry team for 4 summers
69. I would never dream of doing that now
70. I grew up in the United Methodist church
71. Now if i go to church (which nowadays is rarely) I go to an evangelical Presbyterian church
72. I don't like the bad rep Christians in this country like Pat Robertson give the rest of us
73. I don't think that wearing revealing clothes and being physically sexy is what empowers women. it only cripples them
74. For women to be empowered they need to be taught to be confident, think for themselves, stand up for what they believe in, and remember they are women and we need to be women and not try to be men
75. I believe God created the earth and everything on it
76. I don't believe everything about evolution but I don't believe in a 6-day creation
77. I hate Wal-mart
78. I love Target
79. I have suffered from depression off and on since high school
80. I was on anti-depressants for a few months
81. They didn't work for me so I went off of them
82. I have felt so much better since then
83. My favorite actresses are Julia Roberts, Kate Hudson, and the late Judy Garland and Audrey Hepburn
84. My favorite actors are . . . .all dead. Gene Kelly, Gregory Peck, and Marlon Brando (in his Streetcar days)
85. Movies now aren't as good as movies from the 40s and 50s
86. I have always wanted to be in a production of Guys and Dolls
87. I can't make up my mind if I'd rather be Sarah Brown or Adelaide
88. I am 5'9"
89. I'm not skinny but I'm not too fat either
90. I live with two gals that are studying to get their Masters in Counseling
91. Most of the furniture in my house does not belong to the people who live here
92. This house doesn't have air-conditioning
93. Last summer, I went to a Maroon 5 and John Mayer concert at Red Rocks
94. I love hiking
95. The shows like I love the 80s on VH1 are the best!
96. I'm watching I love 1988 right now
97. I was only 7 years old in 1988
98. I love the St. Louis Cardinals
99. I don't want kiss another guy until I am engaged
100. I'm going to go buy new pants now.

whew!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Creation, evolution: the ongoing debate

I received my weekly issue of Time magazine today. The cover story: Evolution Wars. It's about the old yet ongoing issue of evolution and creation. Recently, many schools are coming up with curriculum that emphasizes that evolution is a theory (still teaching it) but also giving students the chance to explore other ideas, like intelligent design. It's an interesting article.
They have this question presented in the article: Can you believe in God and evolution? Two of the responses were from people who argue that you can and they do. Then there are two who say it's not possible although one (the president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) argues against it more, saying he believes in the 6-day creation, word for word Genesis account.
I used to before I actually studied science. I believe in God, I have my whole life, but there is too much scientific evidence for me to believe that the account is Genesis is some kind of historical fact. In an Old Testament class I took my professor pointed out that the writer, or writers of Genesis did not write it to be a science or history book. It was written as a theological statement. The Bible should not be used to teach us about science and science should not be used to tell us about God.

In the article, Francis Collins, Director of the National Genome Research Institute said something I really like:
"I see no conflict in what the Bible tells me about God and what science tells me about nature. Like St. Augustine in A.D. 400, I do not find the wording of Genesis 1 and 2 to suggest a scientific textbook but a powerful and poetic description of God's intentions in creating the universe. The mechanism of creation is left unspecified. If God, who is all powerful and who is not limited by space and time, chose to use the mechanism of evolution to create you and me, who are we to say that wasn't an absolutely elegant plan? And if God has now given us the intelligence and the opportunity to discover his methods, that is something to celebrate."
(Time magazine, August 15, 2005, page 34)

I think different views should be taught in science classes. I think die-hard evolutionists should consider the basis for people who believe in intelligent design and die-hard 6 day creationists should look at the scientific evidence. One thing I also think: they should spend too much time on it. There is so much to learn when it comes to science if you dwell on the origin part you miss all the good stuff!!!!
Another thing: there are so many things that Christians need to pay attention to that it is worthless to spend too much on a debate that will most likely never end.

Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm not sure what to call this post. I will just start writing. Ok I have to admit something: I love watching beauty pageants. Always have. I especially love the Miss USA pageants: Miss USA, Miss Universe, and Miss Teen USA. So Miss Teen USA is on now and so of course I'm watching it. I always pay attention to who Miss Illinois is and if she is worthy of representing our state (I'm not quite used to the fact I live in Colorado, it's still not completely home). When I was still in high school a woman from Marion (where I lived) was second runner up for Miss USA, a year or so later Miss Illinois Teen was from Marion and got 1st runner up. Then a girl that I was in a pageant with was Miss Illinois Teen (she won the pageant I was in). Now get this another girl from Marion is Miss Illinois Teen and I knew her older sister. Her older sister was one of those girls that you wished you could hate but you couldn't. She was perfect. She was so nice and absolutely beautiful. She was super talented (she was Sarah Brown in a production of Guys and Dolls) and everyone loved her. As much as I wished I could dislike her I couldn't. But I admit I was jealous. She was tall, thin, beautiful, talented, smart, blah, blah, blah. I think she was a runner up in Miss Illinois Teen at one point. oh well. Now I will cheer on her sister.

It's kinda funny that I'm going to watch this pageant. I have been feeling especially ugly and fat lately. I just have no motivation to eat properly and exercise. I need to be studying but I have no motivation for that either.

Yesterday I was thinking about how I wish I could sing. Everytime I watch something about a recording artist and how they got started (yesterday it was the E! True Hollywood Story about Jessica and Ashlee Simpson) I sit there and I'm like "I wish that was me."

But then there's the part of me when I get to reading an article about medical research being done or I hear about a new disease or I volunteer at the hospital that I'm like "I want to be a doctor!"
How crazy is that? I go from wanting a music career to a medical career. I have always known my interests are widespread. What do you do when the world tells you to only pick one thing? Yes, I know, don't listen to them, be yourslf, do your own thing, etc.
Have I mentioned that I want to write? I have realized lately that I really want to get back into it. I used to write all the time but then got out of the habit. So hopefully I'll write more.
Oh geez, Aaron Carter is performing at the pageant. He sounds horrible. :) Kimberley Locke (from American Idol) is performing later; I like her, she's good.

Oh yeah another thing I want, I admit it, I want to meet someone and get married. yup, I do.

Ok I suppose that is enough mindless ramble. Hopefully I'll write more and it'll be entertaining.