This week I haven't had to work. My employer's daughter is in town all week so I'm just going in on Friday (luckily she's still paying me). It's given me a lot of time. Time I really need to spend doing some studying. I have a test on Friday and two finals next week. If I can get focused and study, I can still get good grades in the classes.

I bought new tennis shoes this week. I keep putting them on to see if they provide some exercise motivation. It's actually worked a little! Last night, I did some dancing.

My car got fixed. I'm honestly beginning to think I should've looked for something here myself. My dad just picked out this one and honestly it's not that great. . .there's a bunch of little things wrong with it. The knob that controls that two side mirrors is broken and I can't roll down the driver's side window. The brakes already had to be replaced. Whoever owned this before definitely did not take care of it. It only has 34,000 miles on it. Honestly I think my dad got ripped off on the price. Oh well.

Ok so I'm watching Live with Regis and Kelly (I know, I'm pathetic) and they're in Miami Beach. Kelly just did a segment from Seaquarium and it looks AWESOME! I've got to go! And there was another place with Jungle in the name where you can pet the animals!

One thing I did yesterday was plant my garden! It made me very excited. I planted tomatoes, broccoli, carrots, jalepeno peppers, and cucumbers. I still have to plant the green beans, okra, and corn but have to get the rest of the garden cleaned out and let the soil warm up a bit. It's still been a bit chilly here. I love gardening. More specifically, vegetable gardening. I'm so excited to have fresh veggies.
I've been thinking a lot about just needing to find something to be happy about. This constant let-down feeling is just eating away at me. One thing I know I need to be doing is reading my Bible and some other books to start reminding me that God does love me, He is graceful and merciful, and is out for my good. I know the reason it's so hard for me to believe that is I haven't kept that idea in front of me through all this. I'm still burned out, disappointed about many things, and down-right tired. If I don't have to get up in the morning, I can easily sleep about 10 hours.

The sun is actually out today. I need to mow and finish the garden but I think I need to do some studying first. I keep thinking of Colorado (or anywhere else with mountains). I'd love to go hiking right now. I miss it.

Every once in awhile, something happens to make me feel like I am no better than I was a few years ago.
I'm not happy. I am upset about what my life is right now, in general. Every once in awhile there are some things that aren't bad but I just hate the feeling of being so unhappy.
I went to class this morning and then came back home and got upset about something. Not just upset, down right angry.

My parents brought me my car this weekend...and I can't even drive it. Something is wrong with the brakes. It was fine right up until they unloaded it. The very first time I drove it, it started making a weird noise when I would hit the brakes. My parents drove it the night before they left and it was fine! I finally get it and I can't even drive it. It's SO frustrating. And it's just another one of those things that make me feel like nothing ever just works out ok for me. I know it's not true but it's just so hard not to think that sometimes.

I'm frustrated with myself that I haven't been able to actually go to my stats class and focus on my classes. I have two more weeks left...I'm actually not working this week (luckily still getting paid) so I'll have a lot of time to study if I can just actually do it.

I've been wanting to eat better and exercise and haven't been able to do that either. I think today, though, I'm going to go get some new tennis shoes so maybe I can at least start walking or something. I feel like crap! I'm so tired of feeling fat. Yes, I know really I'm not, but I am not going to be as active since I won't be at the nursing home as much so I've got to do something...I've managed to lose 20 pounds in the time I've lived in Kansas. 20 or 25 more and I'll be good! But again the motivation to actually do it is hard to come by lately.

Two people from my church have been dating for 4 months and are engaged. They're getting married in August. Enough said. I keep telling myself that I just haven't found anyone good enough for me yet ;-) Oh and plus I'm probably really not ready to get married right now anyway and won't be for awhile. And (this I do believe) it's someone with the initials MC own loss for not talking to me anymore. Still frustrating though.

Another problem right now? I'm kinda indifferent to God right now. What's funny about that is I'm still teaching a Sunday school class. So indifferent right now, I can't even think of anything to say about it.

I hope things get better sometime soon.