On Facebook, I am constantly seeing status updates about new jobs, relationships, engagements, marriages, babies, and houses. Examples of people moving forward with their lives. Most of these things are happening to my friends and while I am, of course, happy for them, it is also hard to swallow at times.
I am here, still in Kansas and not feeling like my life has moved at all. I guess in small ways I am moving forward, like applying to PA school but so much is still up in the air. I am caring for a woman that may live for a few more years or be gone in two months. I could get an interview for a PA program only to be rejected again and have to decide what to do next. I am living with a girl that although the chance of her announcing her engagement even in the next year doesn't seem likely, there is that possibility which means moving. Everything about my life is up in the air, is temporary, and nothing seems the least bit stable.
Now in all this instability, one would maybe point out that I need to trust God and that he is the only thing constant in this crazy life. Yes, I know in my head that is probably true and one day maybe I'll look back and see the ways that God provided for me and was shaping me. But I admit, it's becoming more and more difficult to actually believe it. I only see a history of disappointments, failures, and a life that has made me feel alone and grasping for something that I am not even sure what it is most of the time. And times when it seemed things were changing and going to be different only to fall apart again.

I really hope that things turn around sometime soon. . .for real.