I am sitting here driving myself a little crazy. I want nothing more than to crawl back into bed and stay for as long as possible. Or I want to go away and never come back to Kansas.

First, I had to find a new job after Christmas. I did...I gave up a lower paying job for one taking care of an elderly couple that ended up not needing much help except to cook them dinner. I hate it. So I dropped down to 3 days a week there and took care of an elderly man in the mornings.

Then the elderly man got taken to a care home so I have to once again look for a job. Except I don't know what to try to do. Being a CNA doesn't pay me enough to live on especially having to pay student loans.

The worst thing is that I didn't get into the PA program. Again. And now I don't know what to do. I don't know if I want to try again. Even if I do, I need to figure out what to do until then. I am SO frustrated. That's an understatement...I am downright angry and depressed. I have no idea what I want to do now. I want to leave Wichita but the only place I want to go is, of course, New York. I can't decide if I want to try going to graduate school to get my Master's degree in Biology or do some other further medical training then try again for PA school. Or do something completely different. Completely. I always thought it would be cool to go to cosmetology school and there's a good one here. Or maybe I could try going back to get a degree in theater. Let's think of things I'm most interested in...that would be music, theater, movies, fashion, and beauty. Could I really do something related to that? Would I be able to be good enough to go do it in NYC?

See I'm driving myself nuts. I have no idea what to do. And now I have to go get ready to go "work" and be miserable for 8 hours.

I have to figure something out. And soon...