This blog has a lot of stuff in it. Sometimes I go back over the posts and relive everything I thought about, felt, and was upset over. At times, I figure I have depended on it too much. I've probably revealed too much. I've probably let things out that I should've just kept to myself.
Oh well. I guess there's no point in worrying about it now.

But lately, I haven't wanted to write anything. Even now, I'm just sitting here writing, thinking that there's really nothing to actually write about. I'm moving on Friday. Then I'll move again two weeks later. Classes are going well. I'm going to WA in August (ok that is really exciting!). I will be looking for at least one job as a CNA to start by the end of August. I will plan on still applying to the PA program but if I don't get in, I am going to re-apply for the next year but maybe also go ahead and apply to medical school as well. I may be crazy but it seems that med school keeps popping up in my head and the wonder of "could I really do it?" hasn't gone away in. . .almost 8 years now. Who knows. Things that made me hesitate seem not to be an issue so maybe its just time to go for it. Forget about all the "ifs."

I am still so confused about my life. But I am also a lot more content about it than I have been. I have no idea what's going to happen. A few weeks ago, something potentially bad happened but I didn't beat myself up over it (too bad anyway). I have realized that I am still mad at Jason and mad at how I handled everything over those months and how I let everything just keep going on the way they were even though I was so unhappy. But, I know time will make that better. I am also a little mad at myself about the guy I met last month. We went out a few times and honestly I probably could've really liked him but . . . really I think both of us just wanted someone to make out with. Oh well.

My parents, niece, and nephew came out this week to visit. I loved having them here even though it meant my apartment was a little cramped. I miss my niece and nephew so much; I miss getting to see them grow up. My niece is becoming a little preteen. She was dancing around a lot and also put on a fashion show, complete with turquoise eyeliner. But there's this grown up part of her that sits quietly and reads her books, including her Bible, and writes in her little journal. I can't believe she's 11 now. My nephew is a typical 9 year old boy and is a lot of fun. He loves Star Wars and Indiana Jones. And Queen songs like "We Are the Champions" and "Another One Bites the Dust." I downloaded those and a few others that he liked to give to him. He also got hooked on a Weird Al song about Star Wars (The Saga Begins).

I need to go back to trying to exercise and eat better. Physically I have just been feeling very blah. The only thing I want to eat is junk food. I'm sitting here watching tennis and thinking "I should go play" but probably won't. It's really hot outside. And I need to pack. Ugh. This isn't going to be easy. I need to do something though. Everything I read and hear about says that I'm probably high risk for all wonderful sorts of diseases down the road. I need to get rid of my belly.

Who knows what life will hold. Somehow I'll keep enjoying each moment. I'll keep working towards my goals (as if-y as they are at times) and trust that God is somehow leading me and continuously making me into who he wants me to be.