For the last 3 days I have done basically nothing. Tuesday I got my haircut and went out to a bar for St. Patty's day. I had my first Irish Car Bomb. It was actually pretty good. My roommate and I ended up talking to a couple of guys for a little while. It was fun.

Then yesterday I read and watched movies all day long. It was great. Except I feel like I managed to eat a ton of food. . . . oh well.

Today I have watched TV and cleaned the kitchen. And made sushi! Or maki-sushi to be more precise. It was definitely good. Now I'm ready for a margarita or something.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to work in the garden and get it cleaned up so it'll be ready for planting when it's time. I am so excited to have a garden again. I am going to plant green beans, tomatoes, corn, and maybe some broccoli and lettuce. And some herbs.

I like that I'm relaxing. Except so much free time is making me think a lot. And right now there's only one person I can think about. I haven't talked to him in a month. He hasn't responded to the e-mails I've sent (3 total) and he hasn't tried calling. I haven't even tried calling him in at least 2 weeks. After one week, I basically quit trying. I do know at least that he's alive out there somewhere as I received a stupid e-mail forward last week (one of those forward this to as many people and you'll get $$ for it). I'm just. . .annoyed really. And frustrated that my fear was realized: the only reason it all happened was because he needed to face his past in AZ and finding a "good girl" helped him realize it.
I am so tired of being alone..although I know that I'll make it and I'll be fine and even if I did have a relationship, there would be times I'd just want my space, really when it comes down to it I am tired of being alone. And here was a guy that was kind, real and didn't make me feel like I was screwed up. . .he was someone that we could've gone out and had a great time every once in awhile but also be just as willing to stay in, cook a great dinner, and watch a movie. And oh so ruggedly manly...hmm...ok done now ;-)

One good thing is I know for a fact it's not me. . .for once, I know for a fact that him not talking to me means it's his loss. It is his loss. He was always so amazed that I was so nice to him. He wasn't used to women, or anyone for that matter, being nice to him and here I was doing what just came naturally to me. Except now he's on the list of guys who my niceness will not come as naturally anymore. I don't trust him anymore like I did.

I didn't start off trusting Jason and that messed it all up. I did start off trusting M and look what happened. Either way, it doesn't seem to work out. Oh well. I'll keep watching movies and TV to escape reality. I may also need a margarita.