My life lately

Last Sunday I woke up and reluctantly went to church. I left 30 minutes into the service. I couldn't stand the prayers, the singing, and the happy people (or at least people trying to look happy). I decided to go to chapel today and from the moment they started talking about praying for people going on mission trips, working at Christian camps, or doing some other kind of ministry related thing I wanted to leave. Apparently they are the only people worth praying for. So I was tempted to leave during the prayer but I waited until the songs started. I couldn't sit there anymore. I couldn't stand being surround by all of those people. I just couldn't stand it. So I left and went to Starbucks. I have not felt like being around people lately. I did something with my roommates last night but the whole time felt like crap. Too often I've had that feeling of being so lonely even when surrounded by people. I just want to crawl up in a hole and not come out.
I still have to find a job. I am so discouraged about it right now. The only jobs out there are ones that I have done before and hated. And I'm afraid that how my last job ended will come back and bite me in the ass. Depression screws up a bunch of stuff. I'm so sick of it.
In about a week I will be done with this semester, and be moved out of this stupid CCU campus for good. I need to start packing. I have too much junk. I'm going to throw as much stuff away as possible.
I have been on a reading kick lately. I have been reading all of the Laura Ingalls Wilder books. Next I may try to read my Jane Austen books or Wuthering Heights that I borrowed. Hopefully I'll keep it up all summer. I watch too many movies. Maybe I'll actually get through the Lord of the Rings books.
Reading all about the pioneer stuff again makes me wish that I lived in a different time. I always have. yes, things like cooking, washing, etc are easier nowadays but times were simpler, families were more important. I read these stories about those times and hope I can make my family as important as back then. I remember how my mom made us kids breakfast every morning. Like eggs and bacon, pancakes and waffles. I hope I can do that someday.
Oh crap I have class. Gotta go.

Play pictures

Here's a link to play pictures:

http://homepage.mac.com/jodieebrewer

Enjoy!

(I guess you'll have to copy and paste the link)

quick post

Everyone keeps saying that Sunday was the best day for it to snow. Hah! Stupid people. :)

We took down the set today. So we get to carry it from the music building to the art building. woohoo! (definitely being sarcastic here)

I keep thinking about God. I don't know where I stand with Him lately.
I have to find a job, I really don't want to. To be perfectly honest, I hate working. I've never had a job that I've liked.
School will be over soon. It's been hard to concentrate lately. I really wonder what I'm doing. What was I thinking when I thought I wanted to be a doctor? I will graduate next year. I don't know if there's any point to taking physics and organic chemistry especially because I don't need them for my degree and I must be crazy to think I'll be able to get into medical school.

You know what I really want. I want to feel at least a little content with my life. I want to feel like I have some sort of purpose. I want to like myself. I want to . . . feel like I belong somewhere. And I know that this is a typical girl thing but I really want to meet someone. I keep seeing all these married people that are so awesome I want to be one of them! I know it will probably happen sometime but. . .why can't it happen soon? ok that's my girliness for today.

Stupid snow

Well today (Sunday) was supposed to be the last show but Denver got hit by a snowstorm. So it got cancelled. It's such a let down. After last night we were all like "see you tomorrow!" But now. . .last night was our last show. It's so sad.
It was a lot of fun though. Last night we all went to Chili's and just hung out and had fun. There were so many cool people. They were a blast to work with. I don't even know if I can describe it. I hope I get to at least see them sometime again. I loved the whole process of everything and seeing it all come together. I hope I get to do it again sometime. It would even be fun doing behind the scenes stuff. I would love costuming! It stinks that CCU doesn't have a theatre department anymore. Not like I would have time to take any extra classes with all my science stuff.
I am really glad I got the chance to do this. It was wonderful. God really blessed me during this experience. The director is amazing. She is so wise and caring and just exudes this wonderful faith; it's inspiring.
But now it's time to go back to the normal.

A rush!

Ok so it's been awhile since I've posted. If I would've during the last month you probably would've heard all about how my life sucks and how I can't wait until this semester is over. As far as school is concerned it's been tough. I just feel like I can't get things done. And I have to find a job real soon.
BUT, tonight! Tonight was opening night of the play! It was SOOO much FUN! It went really really well. Acting and being up there on stage just gives me such a rush! My character is a mean-spirited Senator who is trying to figure out where her stepmother put $10 million dollars. It's fun. :)
I am soo thankful that I got to be a part of this. I've always wanted to be in a play and I'm so glad i got the chance. Before every practice and rehearsal (and now, performance) we pray as a cast. Tonight the only thing I could say was "thank you." For so long I feel like God says no to everything I like or enjoy. I guess that's not exactly a great way to view God and how he treats me but I feel like being in this play was his way of saying yes about something.
I got celebrate or pass out or something! (that's from Coyote Ugly, hehehe)

So right now the play thing is something that is just absolutely wonderful in my life. Maybe I'll go into the other stuff another time.