I really am tired of feeling the way I do. I'm tired of my funk. It's causing even the simplest of tasks to feel like huge chores and most of the time I just want the comfort of my nice warm bed especially when I really am supposed to be up getting ready for work.
The sermon in church yesterday was good. The pastor basically talked about how for a lot of people, Christmas isn't joyful; it's a time when the pain of losing someone or something bad that's happened seems to come out more. We have to remember that and not be ashamed to let ourselves feel. I'm feeling like that now; there are some things about Christmas I'm looking forward to and even though I know I really have no reason to be down, overall I am and I'll just look for the glimmers of light that come through the funk.

This weekend I went to J's cousin's graduation with his family. Saturday was a LONG day. The normal 2 1/2 hour drive to Manhattan became about 4 because of the bad weather. The roads weren't too bad but we still had to be cautious. Same way with the drive back. By the time we got home everyone was exhausted and tense. Then my truck started acting up about 8 miles from J's house. I had to drive back to his place hoping I'd make it; I didn't want to risk driving all the way home or get stuck somewhere on the side of the road. And because he wouldn't have any time at all to take me home on Sunday, he took me that night. He got home a little after 1. I felt bad because I knew he had a long day on Sunday, as usual, and he had already driven all day. He's going to try to take my truck to get looked at today. . .although the weather is supposed to get bad again so I don't know if he'll get to.
One thing I always think about when these things happen is my financial situation. I'm almost 27 years old and I will be asking my parents for money to get my truck fixed. And because of my irresponsible choices with money, I will not get a different vehicle for a very very very long time.

Even with my funk, I'm trying to remember things I'm thankful for and that make me happy. Here's a few things I'm thankful for:

1) I'm thankful for an amazing boyfriend who will drive me home at midnight when there's ice starting to fall even after driving all day and he is exhausted. And I'm thankful that he really is someone I can trust and talk to even when I still have a hard time of it. And he's good at driving in winter weather so that means I won't have to :-)

2) I'm thankful that even with my truck broken down it's not affecting me too much. I can walk to work as usual and the grocery store is right next door. And now I have friends who I can call if I do need to go somewhere, like church yesterday (J MADE me call and ask to get a ride, it was extremely annoying, but I am glad I got to go, it was the first time I sang in the choir) and Bible study tonight.

3) I'm thankful for heat. Last winter in the apartment I was in, the little window unit heater didn't do such a great job. Even though I still seem to feel cold when it is 72 degrees in my apartment, I'm thankful I have a better heater and can warm up a little better.

Here are some things that make me happy:

1) Hot cocoa (and the occassional addition of peppermint schnapps)
2) My Christmas tree. It's bright and as J said, fancy.
3) Curling up on my couch and watching White Christmas. What will make me even happier is if I can get J to actually watch it with me at some point ;-)
4) Painting a kind of abstract butterfly. . .I haven't had much luck with the painting thing but I really like how it turned out.
5) Knitting. I am now working on the third little accessory scarf that I am just having a blast making. Very simple and I love sitting around the table with the ladies at the office during our daily coffee break; almost everyone sits around and knits!

Speaking of which, it's time for it now!

My goal today is just to remember to be thankful and enjoy the moments of light. . .