We pulled into my parents driveway in the wee hours of Saturday morning at 3:30 am. It was a long drive. I couldn't really sleep any so I was up by 8:30 getting ready to make truffles and broccoli & rice casserole.
I loved spending time with my family. It's so precious to me now that I don't get to see them as often. My sister and her family came to mom and dad's and we had lunch and then opened presents. I had made a couple little scarves for my sister and a little purse for my neice. They both liked those. Dad loved his White Christmas DVD. And mom loved her sunflower photos. Oh and my nephew LOVED his Star Wars DVD I got him. I haven't found out but that was the goal for everyone to get him one so he could get all of them. I got my olive oil bottle, sushi kit (complete with the seaweed), blender, a set of my dishes, and a book filled with thousands of questions about movies. And I do mean thousands. It's a lot of fun.
Then we got to head over to see my brother's new place and the church where he works. We hung out at the little coffee shop and played scrabble for awhile. I lost. I stink at scrabble.
J loves my mom's yeast dinner rolls and my grandma's banana split cake. We brought some back with us. We headed over to my grandparents to eat lunch with them on Sunday before heading back to Kansas. Then we spent Christmas Eve with his dad's side of the family and Christmas day with his mom's side. It was really fun. I missed being with my own family, of course, but everyone was so nice and welcoming I still felt at home. I think that was the best thing of all. I've been around his mom's side of the family more and I'm starting to pick up more on the little quirks of that side. His dad's side is more laid back and jokes around with each other. His dad's mom is in poor health but her mind is still really sharp and she's hilarious. J's other grandma is as sweet as can be but also is very good at ordering people around. ;-)
J and I got to talk a lot on the trip. We discussed many things about our relationship. I've really got to work on getting to a point where I trust him. It's been really difficult lately; my fear of him being like every one else is affecting us actually growing as a couple. I feel like there's a lot of things I need to work on.
I've been thinking about ways I can change the way I think about things. I've started thinking more about the qualities that I really love about J. He told me things that he really likes about me and I was encouraged because they are a lot of the things I like about myself and feel I have to offer to someone.
We also discussed some faith stuff. He has always had very pleasant church experiences and he really doesn't understand completely how and why church can be difficult for me. Especially when it comes to not always liking the United Methodist Church. Although, I can definitely say now that my beliefs line up more with the UMC than with any other denomination really. And things with the church here really seem to be different than in IL. There really is more of an emphasis on grace and acceptance.
So now there are lots of things to continue to think and talk about. I think my number one prayer right now is that I stop being afraid. I want to stop being afraid of my relationship with J, stop being afraid of my money situation and what it's going to take to fix it (I did finally re-cut up my credit card), and stop being afraid of really letting God be in control of my life.
I will not let fear rule my life.
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