Church

Tonight I went to church.
And I did something that surprised me.

I worshipped. I raised my voice and for just little while was able to leave my frustrations, my doubts, and my fears at the foot of the cross.
I even sang something to the affect of all my ambitions, my hopes, my plans I leave in Your hands. I don't usually sing songs unless I believe the words. I can't sing about trusting God unless I'm serious about it. Tonight I was, though. My ambitions, my hopes, and my plans...they're in God's hands.
I need a daily reminder of that. And I'm sure that occasionally (ok more than just occasionally) I will forget. But right now I know that some how, some way God will be there. I will be delivered. And maybe, just maybe he does have a plan for me. And maybe he does care.

I will be

Every once in awhile I get discouraged about what I want to do with my life.
But I always go back to being a doctor. I really want to be a doctor. And I want to work at a children's hospital with cancer patients and their families. I know it will be hard...not only to be a doctor in that setting but just getting into med school. I really want to though.
I need to spend the weekend studying and catching up on stuff.

I was talking to one of the guys in my bio lab and we were talking about what med school we wanted to go to and the specialty we wanted to go into. I started getting excited again.
Going to different med school websites and reading their medical magazines online help to. It's interesting to see what research they're doing.
I have some pretty high aspirations as far as the schools I'm interested in, but hey a girl can dream, can't see?

God-willing (that's so hard to say!) I will be a doctor.

4 Things

Four jobs I've had
1. photographer at a wal-mart portrait studio
2. cashier/cook at my old college student union
3. Sales associate at Dillards
4. various secretarial jobs

Four movies I would watch over and over again
1. Beauty Shop
2. When Harry Met Sally
3. Meet Me In St. Louis
4. Roman Holiday

Four places I've lived
1. several towns with my family in IL
2. college town in IL
3. by myself in IL
4. Colorado

Four TV shows I watch
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. Sex & the City
4. Everwood

Four places I've vacationed
1. Outer Banks, NC
2. Utah (backpacking)
3. Florida (several times)
4. The south (Virgina, W. Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, etc)

Four websites I visit daily
1. brennan manning's website
2. people.com (i'm a sucker for the photos)
3. msn.com
4. several blogs!

Four of my favorite foods
1. Pizza
2. Chipotle
3. Popcorn
4. sesame chicken from Talk of the Thai

Four places I'd like to be right now
1. In the mountains somewhere
2. New York City
3. Las Vegas
4. with close friends somewhere

Cartoon

Well this really isn't a cartoon necessarily but I thought it was cool:

Cartoon

It's by Bill Day entitled "The Forgotten Cartoon"

thinking, drinking, & talking

Well after my mini-pity party, I had some fun. Well on Friday anyway. Let's just say my roommates and I had fun. We watched movies, made pancakes and had some drinks. It was a lot of fun! And I think we're going to have another dinner party in the next couple of weeks. The last one we had was great.
I've been thinking a lot about different stuff. First there's the getting healthy part (discussed on my new blog) and just future stuff.
I graduate in May. I will have my Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. I want to go on to graduate school whether its med school, pharmacy school, or to get my Ph.D. so I can teach at the university level. Before I do that however, I have to pay off my credit cards. Which means at least two years working my ass off. Because it's more expensive to live out here than in IL, I've contemplated going back so I don't have to worry about paying rent. But then I'll be driving at least 30 minutes to get to work (thus a lot of gas) and jobs don't pay as well. Plus the more I think about it, even though things haven't been like I thought they would be (which I am not even sure what that was) I really want to stay here. I like having the mountains and the city.
I really hate that I have to put off my future but I am determined to do what it takes to get rid of the debt. The school loans don't bother me as much because I know that was more of an investment.
I hope everything will work out.
Friday night we were all talking about the goals we have, things we want to work on, etc. We also talked about the whole relationship and marriage thing. Even though I feel at times I'm surrounded by all these people that are younger than me & married and have kids, I feel like I'm at a point that I am really ok being single. There are a lot of things I want to do and work on before I get married. And I don't want to settle at all.

One of the things I need to work on is being ok with who I am. Here's some stuff I was thinking about:
I'm pretty. I know I'm not a skinny, perfect-skinned, obviously beautiful girl but I am pretty eyes, a good smile, and wonderful curves :) I am beginning to sound like a Dove commercial (campaign for beauty).
I like music, I like singing at the top of my lungs with my iPod. There are times when I miss singing so much that if I don't then I feel like I'm going to burst. So even if it's just in my truck, I sing.
I also like turning up the music when nobody's home and dance around the house. It's a good workout.
I know I've struggled with the life I have but there are parts that I am thankful for. I really do love my family and the friends I have. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And even though I feel so different from them and know my life will probably be a lot different I can appreciate where I've come from. I can appreciate it even though I want to be different.
I think I will turn out alright.

Mini-pity party

Ok so I need to have a mini-pity party.

I signed up on this website called facebook. . .a guy from my bio lab told me about it. It "connects" all different people from my school (and other schools). Going on this site reminds me of something: I have no friends. The only people I know are from my classes. We chat in class but I'm not really friends with them, in a kind of call and see if they want to do something way. I get along with my roommates but we don't "hang out" very often. My real friends are all over the place. IMing just doesn't always fulfill that need for fellowship and support.
I have times like yesterday that being by myself is absolutely wonderful but then every once in awhile when I see groups of friends hanging out, I can't help but wish I had a group. Granted, I don't wish for the people I had been hanging out with. There's no point in spending time with people who make you feel like shit about yourself.
But at the same time I wish I did have a friend or two around here.

Maybe someday I will.

Ok pity party over. To all my friends all over the place: I love you all and miss you a lot!

Eat, Drink, Be Healthy

Well as you can see I switched back to the format I had originally. I decided I liked it better.
However, I have started a new blog dedicated to my goal of being healthier.
Here it is: eat, drink, be healthy

Here I go! (but I'm still eating my godiva chocolate and the leftover pizza from yesterday!)

Happy Valentine's Day

Today I went to class, got my test back, found out I got an A-, worked for awhile, got Chipotle for lunch, did some homework, went to another class, then got Godiva chocolate, sang at the top of my lungs with my iPod, ordered a pizza, watched Gilmore Girls, and had a drink.

It was a good day.

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Olympics

Every 2 years I am taken to a new world full of victory, heartache, and wonder. I sit in front of my TV in awe of the jumps, spins, and the flips that lead to an emotional medal ceremony.
This year, it is the winter Olympics in Torino, Italy. Italia! The opening ceremonies are tonight. The different scenes of the Alps, the mountaintop fortresses, and the ancient cities are so beautiful. I want to go!
It wasn't until the games in Salt Lake City that I realized how much I liked the winter olympics. I've always loved the summer games. . .now I love watching downhill skiing, snowboarding, and of course, ice skating.
The next few weeks are going to be wonderful.
Go USA!

Fat Jeans

Over the weekend I had to do something that had the potential to become a very depressing event: I went jeans shopping.
I wouldn't need to go jeans shopping necessarily because I have more jeans now than I have ever had in my life. However, I finally had to come to grips with the fact that many of those numerous pairs of jeans no longer fit.
Everytime I put them on it results in a huge bulge of fat over the tops that no shirt, no matter how big, will never hide.
So I walked into Old Navy, went straight for the boot leg, waist just below my belly button, with a little stretch jeans. I picked up some that were the size I used to wear and a size larger. I could handle the size larger. . .if they didn't fit, I think I would've thrown a fit.
I went into the dressing room and prepared for the worst. As I figured, the size I used to wear fit everywhere but the waist and belly. They could be buttoned but the looming fat bulge was there. No two ways around it. So....while reciting to myself "size doesn't matter, all that matters is that they fit...size doesn't matter, all that matters is that they fit." I tried to imagine Clinton and Stacy from TLC's What Not To Wear telling me that with a frightened look in my eye. I did it! I put the size larger pair on and they fit! Ok so the legs are a little baggy but the waist fits and there is no fat bulge.
Now I must say that the Old Navy jeans I bought are nothing compared to the amazing jeans (albeit odd sized) that I bought at the Polo outlet over Christmas. Those are the most amazing jeans I have ever worn. I've noticed that when I wear the Old Navy jeans once they are stretched out to the point I have to hike them up to the point I feel like I'm wearing mom jeans. Oh well. Maybe that will be motivation to lose some weight so my pre-fat jeans will fit. (I don't want the fat jeans to ever feel nonfat!)
I was proud of myself though. No freaking out, just happy I have jeans that fit. And they really do look better than tight ones that don't.

Super Bowl + No party = Not a lot of fun

This is the first year in forever I haven't had or attended a super bowl party. The super bowl isn't quite as fun without it. The commercials aren't as fun either.
oh well

I haven't done any work today. I just can't make myself motivated to do anything. I sat here all day watching a Full House marathon (yes, you didn't read that wrong, I did mean to type that). Full House is fun. But yeah, I just sat and watched it all day. I have a test on Tuesday....and a test on Wednesday. Difficult ones. And I haven't studied. I may have time on Tuesday to study for the one on Wed. but I'm busy all day Monday. . .no time to study for Tuesday's test. I've tried to study off and on all day but it just doesn't work. It also doesn't help that our heat isn't working and so it's freakin cold in my house. The landlord's father bought us some space heaters but so far they aren't doing much. It also doesn't help that we can only plug in one at a time because they'll blow a fuse.

Guess I'll try to do some reading during the game. . don't want to miss the commercials!

What to write

So all week I've been trying to figure out something to write and just felt like I had nothing to write about. But at the same time I had everything to write.
My monday sucked except for part of lab when the cute guy from another lab had to come to mine (he's tall and has pretty blue eyes) and the adorable 20 year old in lab is fun too. He has a cute smile.
The rest of my week was better.

A group of 25-30 gay Christians are coming to my campus in April because they think we are breeding fear and hate on our campus. If you want to read about it go to the message board at Brennan Manning's website. It should be interesting.

I saw the movie Goodnight, and Good Luck tonight. It was good. The 50s were a crazy time...I think I'm going to find a book about the whole McCarthy thing...

I have a lot of studying to do this weekend.