Hurt

I am hurt. I hurt. The part of my brain that controls emotions is working overtime. Then the tears start flowing. I can't stop them.

The other day, the first season of 24 (Dave's favorite TV show) was on sale at Target. I almost bought it. That was going to be one of his Christmas presents.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to be all alone here. I thought it was real. I really thought it was real.

I don't know what to do. I don't like being this way. I wish I wasn't.

I keep wondering why he doesn't want me. Why doesn't he love me? And if we weren't supposed to be together then why did this happen? Did I miss some huge sign?
I just don't understand. Everything seemed to fall into place...

And now. . he doesn't care. It isn't anything to him that I'm not in his life anymore. He can go on and be fine. And me? I'm stuck. I have thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt that I have no hope of being able to pay unless I get a really good job. And I can't go on to grad school until that happens. I don't have anything to look forward to. Right now everything seems hopeless. Ok maybe not completely hopeless. . I'm sure eventually I won't feel hopeless...but the thing is I miss him so much. And I still love him. And I HATE that I'm the one who is crying AGAIN. It took me 3 years to get over the last guy and that was almost nothing. What if it takes that long to get over him? And this was a lot more (at least it seemed like it). I mean, it was more. . .I think so anyway. . .see now I don't even know.

I went to the animal shelter today. There weren't any dogs, but there were a few adorable kittens. . .I can't decide if I want to go with getting a cat again or if I want to save my money for a yorkie. I really want a dog but they cost at the least $400 and at the most $2000.

it just hurts being here. I can't afford to move anywhere. I don't know what to do.