Freak out

Instead of cramming everything into one post I'm going to break it up.

First, the crappy thing.

On Friday I freaked out. First, I was tired all day at work. I didn't feel good. And for some reason I got it into my head that NF was purposely not really talking to me. I knew it was ridiculous. I knew that, in reality, our schedules will make it difficult to see and talk to each other at times. I also knew that we've only known each other for 2 months, right now it's still nothing really serious, and there is nothing saying we have to talk everyday. Or even a lot. But, even though I knew it was ridiculous, I let that doubt get into my head and let it become something a lot bigger than it really was. I was supposed to go to his softball game on Friday night but didn't. I think I managed to get myself down enough that I made myself sick.
I hate that. I hate when I starting letting fear and doubt overtake what I know is true. And it happened in the course of a day! And it wasn't just doubt about NF, it was fear and doubt about the new job. . .and my whole life here. My whole life that still feels so uncertain. But. . .what's crazy about it is I just feel like God is constantly showing me he's taking care of me and he has something in store for me here. I am so excited about my job (albeit a tad impatient to get started so I can get out of the cable company and hotel) and all the possibilities that my life could hold.
But, I have to admit, that I am still a little scared. Scared that I won't be able to do well at my new job. . .scared I'm just going to end up with my heart broken again. . .But I will continue to try and remember that God has me in the palm of his hand. And he really does love me. And has something for me. I will not let being scared keep me from the possibility of experiencing something great.