Moving forward

BF works at a nursing home and has to work 1st shift every other weekend, thus he doesn't get to attend church every other Sunday morning. So he decided to check out a Saturday evening service at one of the local United Methodist churches. I went with him and it was pretty cool. It was a small group but still pretty cool. I was actually impressed.

The pastor's sermon title was "Why the church?" He talked about the different ways the church shapes our faith. His daughter is Q the other girl from the camping trip. He e-mailed her and asked her how the church and different people in the church helped shape her faith. There were examples of youth leaders, friends, deacons, etc. BF (who went to the same church as her for awhile during middle school) had those same examples. Parents were included in the examples, especially for Q.

It got me to thinking the people who shaped my faith. And I come up really short. My parents didn't do much to shape my faith. Sure dad was a pastor but the only stuff about faith we ever got was at church. I remember being in Sunday school one time at Rosedale and I took a crayon and colored in the world Bible (on the front of one). My Sunday school teacher told me that was wrong and I shouldn't do that. It wasn't until high school that I could underline or highlight anything in my Bible. There was never a youth group or someone who I looked up to.
My parents didn't do much at home when it came to any faith building. They know they failed in that. We've talked about it. Most of what I remember is examples of a legalistic religion instead of being taught about love and grace. I feel like I have had a lifetime of negative experiences mixed in with some good ones.
There was camp...most of the time I was just concerned with finding a boyfriend for the week. Then I was always going to camps with the ministry team. There were many good experiences but for the most part I was surrounded by people who had a very "holier-than-thou" attitude, who made me think I had to be perfect in order to be a Christian. When I started college and struggled so much with my faith and life there was no support in the group. I definitely have had some friends who have helped shape my faith, in good ways, that I am extremely thankful for. But it was more of us figuring stuff out at the same time and helping each other out.

I wish I remembered more than just negative experiences. But really I guess there's no point in looking back and wishing. My past and how I grew up is just that. It's in the past now. And I am moving forward and I am continuing to be shaped. Shaped into the person that I am supposed to be. Sure, it's taking me a bit longer than some but not as long as others, I guess.

I hope someday I might be able to have a positive influence on someone. Is that selfish? I don't know. I hope someday when (God-willing) I have kids of my own, I will be a positive influence on them and they won't look back and wonder why I never taught them anything. Who knows.